Quoll

You tell her that you acknowledge she is an adult and is now free to make her own decisions. And that you, as adults, have accommodated her wishes for a really long time but are now free to make your own decisions. Assure her that she will always be welcome where you are but that you are leaving and if she is still living with you that she has x weeks to find herself a new place. Start decluttering your home around her and get her to make decisions about packing up her stuff. Whilst you enable her behaviour she is not going to make a decision to run an independent life unfortunately. Start packing! She will either bite the bullet to be independent or she will come with you. Not saying it will be easy but she’s 24, many of us were married and gone well before that.

She said she had a degree plus PGCE which would be appropriate.

It's the old goalposts moving thing really isnt it. My mother assured me, years later, that when we left to go to Australia my DH said to her "if she doesnt like it we will be coming back" - shame he never told me because then I may not have hung in quite so long and left it too late. He denies it now of course but I cant think that mum would have invented that, she actually liked Australia and if it hadn't been for their home, siblings and friends they may have chosen to stay here on one of their 6 month jaunts.

Ah, good point. That's going to be problematic for starting a new job then huh

Go up in shifts - one of you go, find a place then the other pack up and send your stuff. You can stay in airbnb for a few weeks until you get something sorted out. Meanwhile, start decluttering.

Schools don't much like talking kids after the beginning of Feb, unless they are absolutely new arrivals because census day is usually mid/end Feb and census data generates their income for the year. If they arrive after census then they're essentially not included in the annual budget. Not that that means anything to the kids but it may make some schools - if you're after an or of area enrolment - say no thanks. However, in general it pays to take your time to get the kids settled into a home - which may mean you have to get settled into a job first - before your start faffing about with schools. Nobody cares if they aren't in school anyway.

Be aware of the restrictions that may apply wherever you move to - cats aren't allowed out around here unless on a lead or into a "catio", some states have more draconian requirements than others. Then there is the issue of finding accommodation with an indoor pet, some landlords are OK with them, others are not. If you have a cat who is used to coming and going through a cat flap they could find it rather unusual.

42 years and 8 months come Sunday. You get less for murder

But isnt it great that folk can and do choose to go back to support their parents in their own environment instead of carting them across the world to a place where they will know no one and may lack the umph to get up and make a new place for themselves. Where they will get good medical care that will cost them nothing and where they want to turn up their toes. We did it for my parents and were lucky with the visa/citizenship status - so many non British spouses have great difficulty getting in if their OH isnt earning much money or they dont have much saved. I wouldnt have done it any differently.

Of course you are doing the right thing, you can't live happily in limbo and there is a big wide world out there waiting for you! Plenty of opportunity to find the lifestyle you want I would have said and now you are not shackled to a career you arent particularly happy in, you can test the waters and find out what really floats your boat. I recently accidentally spent 9 years in UK and they were the best years of my recent life - so much that gelled with me - history, walks, countryside, people, humour, so much to see and do in such a small space. I would be back in a heartbeat if I could.

Isnt it going to be hard to justify a spousal visa when they have been apart for 5 years?

Yup, me too although I was never ever "made" to feel guilty, it was all my own doing. Which is why, when they were knocking on 90 and struggling, we essentially moved back to care for them. I still feel an inkling of guilt that I wasn't there for dad when he died even though he had chosen to go into care and we had made the move back to Australia because of Covid. Nothing spurs the guilt along quite like farewelling your dad over a Facetime call while your son delivers his eulogy. My head knows I did the right thing but my heart can't quite get with the plan.

It's about time that they started putting a no further stay clause on all visitor visas, just reading these boards with people who want to queue jump the system left right and centre. The right thing to do is to put in your application for the CPV and make regular visits while you wait. But wait offshore like the folk who are doing it by the rules.

Ah, move to Cambridgeshire then, it really does have a nice climate and, quite frankly, I was less put off by the rain in the 9 years we were recently there than I have been in Canberra in these past 18 months! The heat, the torrential rain, the flies, the mozzies all go to make outside time less than optimal for me. I noticed the flies are starting to buzz about now.

So do you have a permanent visa or will this be a temporary visa? If it's temporary, come with the mind set that you'll have to return at the end of the visa period. Don't sell your home etc and just take this as an adventure. Taking a temporary visa with a family is always more risky. I quite agree with Mariawright, don't do this with the "better life for the kids" thing, do it because you want to scratch the itch of adventure by all means or even "it's a bloody good career move". Your kids are going to be OK in either place for the most part but there are disadvantages to growing up isolated. I absolutely agree with the comments above about kids and the outdoors. I vaguely recall seeing a while ago that Adelaide had one of the highest levels of rickets in kids because they didn't get the Vitamin D because they were so protected from the sunshine. Australia also has high levels of youth mental health issues and suicide which won't bother you for a few years but......

LOL yeah, meeting one in your front garden whilst dashing out in your pjs to collect the page was heart attack territory - he was a big bugger too!

No, you'll need to wait until you arrive because all schools have priority enrolment areas and they are obliged to find places for kids in their catchment. So your first priority is to find a home you want to live in 24/7 then you will be able to front up with details of your address and they will find the kids a place - they like you to wait a day or two so they can get things organised but technically if you rock up you could, theoretically leave them there straight away (not a good way to start the relationship though). If you decide that you want a school which is somewhere else, you can apply for an out of area enrolment but whether they accept you or not is anyone's guess and depends very much on their capacity. If you choose to go private then, yes, you could probably enrol from overseas if they are accepting enrolments. Don't sweat it though, nobody is going to give a toss if a kid is out of school for a few weeks or months of that is what it takes to get you settled somewhere. House and job first, school second.

Not really a benefit living in ACT - the waiting lists for surgery aren't great. A while ago I was quoted 18 months for gall bladder surgery in public, 3 weeks in private. Another surgery I had (and would have slit my wrists if I hadn't) - 10 days with private and I probably would not ever have got to the top of the "elective" list. If you break a bone or have a heart attack then, yes, not too bad.

Absolutely! This!!!! The older people get the more comfortable they are with their roots and I think supported accommodation is Absolutely ideal. That way he won't find himself isolated on the other side of the world away from a lifetime of friendships - sure he will have you but that's all he will have. I think it is sometimes hard to understand the stresses of moving across the world when you are elderly - its hard work finding new friendships.

My go to used to be QF31 and 32 - work all day, off to the airport, on the plane, asleep before wheels up and land early in the morning ready to start the day. On the way home I have been known to land in Sydney, fly to Canberra and go straight into work. Done that many times but 31 isnt as time friendly as it used to be

I have never bothered with a stop over - other than many years ago when it was a novelty to stop over. I reckon I can stand anything for 24 hours and so far so good. We always do a power walk around the airport when refuelling just to get the steps up on the apple watch LOL

Was it undertaken at a University?

It's temporary until it becomes permanent - if your relationship goes belly up then you leave whereas if you have already got the permanent visa, you dont have to leave

A temporary visa is not a permanent visa however you can be resident in Australia on a temporary visa - you'll just have to go home when your visa expires or seek a new visa which is permanent. Ah, just checked - yours is a temporary partner visa and the assumption is that with the passage of time and your relationship continues then you will move onto a permanent visa but when you are temporary you are subject to the whims of the visa and you are obliged to let them know if your relationship falls over.

Cant really help you as I never had to worry about rentals or jobs but my observation, for what it is worth when I lived there (returned last year) - nobody I knew who wanted a job had difficulty getting a job. Also, fewer people, it seemed to me, were living with their parents and my son never had a problem finding somewhere to live. I think UK is all about the vaccine passports as much as Australia these days from what I am reading. I think you are probably going to need a good deal of luck, however, with the Hague Convention - Australian courts never give permission for kids to leave if one parent - be they ever so much of a dropkick - says no. I hope it works out for you.