Quoll

Has he got a visa or will that be another hurdle for you?

He will be fine. Happy mummy and daddy is all a 6 year old needs plus the odd special friend. Assume he will also acquire a whole load of extended family in the process.

If you've been married that long and have a child you should get the permanent part straight up I would have thought (vague recollections of that being the case). Have you got your British citizenship already? If not, that should be a priority.

(((Hugs))) to you - my sympathies because they really are such wonderful loyal creatures and your chap will have known you for the mummy he loved to bits even through all your troubles. We lost a 14 yr old heeler/kelpie cross just over a month ago and although she was "only" our son's dog, we all miss her immensely. Be happy that you gave your lad a great life - far far better than he would have had anywhere else and he knew he was loved.

What the others have said - depends on your location (probably not much work for instrument engineers in country towns for example but check Seek to see if there are any special enclaves that may need them) and your skill set and whether you have any local contacts. I know others disagree with me but where we are is definitely harder to find career based work when you're older (over 50) but if you're prepared to do anything to get a wage then you can probably pick up something. Neither my DH nor I were unemployed when we didn't need to be and my profession, back in the day, could have gone private practice if needed. Teaching assistant jobs are hard fought too - lots of mums wanting low stress school hours jobs, many of them qualified teachers and the pay is pitiful, you'd probably get more being a check out chick.

Alan Collett (who is a member on here) might be a good place to start. I know my own FA locally here in Canberra does some UK work as well and he's helped us out a few times but I don't know if he taking new clients and it isn't his core work, like Alan.

I agree with Toots, he may suggest that he will be unhappy back in UK now but he may love it - my DH once threw at me in a discussion that if he had to live in UK then he would be depressed (whilst acknowledging my depression) - he's since apologised profusely because when we found ourselves back there he had a ball and if we could have justified it financially we might have stayed (pensioners, left it too late). One of the things he most appreciated was that he got his wife back, no longer the overweight, depressed woman I had become. However, I will say, that at the end of the day you cant cuddle a country and you might need to resign yourself to the least worst option - there without him or here with him. For me, that was a no brainer. Compromise is key to being able to cope with that least worse decision though - for us it was we kept working so I could get my sanity hits and we didnt go and live miles away from anywhere being self sufficient on 40 acres - no way was I ever going to compromise on broadband or a proper flush loo!

As Paul said, talk to an agent, but while you are at it, look up The Hague Convention and be aware that Australia won’t let kids leave the country if one parent (even the most drop kick of parents!) says they may not leave so if you ever felt the need to return to U.K. you might not be allowed to leave with them.

So sorry to hear that you have had to make that decision! My son, who went to U.K. on a post Uni gap year holiday with plans for his future on his return to Aus - he’s still not back 19 years later - always says (courtesy of the Beatles) Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans! I guess that is true. At least you are making active plans for your life otherwise you will get swept along and not be happy with the outcome and I can certainly relate to that. It’s a bugger getting stuck where you don’t want to be!

Bed sizes are different but there's nothing stopping you bringing the beds as long as you realise you'll have to source your bedding from overseas should you need it. Spiders - yes you'll encounter them, the biggest ones won't necessarily be deadly, sometimes it's the smaller ones that will give you a nasty bite. If you leave your shoes outside, be sure to turn them upside down and bang them before putting them on and be careful if you leave gardening gloves outside in the shed (they're the usual place people encounter spiders) - stand on them before you put them on. Be aware but not paranoid. We've had more problems with (non European) wasps this year for stingers, they're not usually a bother. We have (plenty of) clothes shops here but if you've already got stuff, bring it, don't bother to stock up (unless you've got a particular brand of underwear that you must have to be comfortable).

Not likely to happen, you're going to have to go it alone as Australia is closed to international visitors. There are plenty of Australian citizens who want to return and cant get back so they really need to have priority. Could your wife fly back to Pakistan to have the baby if she is that unable to cope?

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you because it's a really sad situation and the outcome isn't going to be pretty for your poor dad. In reality, you've won the lottery, you have siblings and they will pick up your slack; they'll probably hate you for it but there are 3 of them to do the hard yards - there may be a role that you can take on at some point like helping fund care or come back for a month every year to do the hands on stuff or something. If you were an only child I think your situation would be much more grim because unless you could persuade your parents to change their lifestyle now, before the dementia gets overwhelming, and move into supported accommodation where they can be independent yet have support on tap is they need it, someone is going to need to be there for them. Having just spent the best part of 9 years back in UK carrying for elderly parents (actually squatting in their back bedroom) - one with dementia - I'd say run for the hills! But, of course I couldn't have done that because I am an only child. It's not an easy task as your life ceases to be your own and watching your parents get old and frail is heartbreaking. Your husband may have the same problem with his parents - hes probably been feeling the guilt for a few years that he hasn't been there for them which may well have been fueling his homesickness. Such feelings may well fuel homesickness in you too down the track so be prepared for that (they certainly cemented my loathing for Australia before we went back to UK for the holiday from which we didn't return until last year when mum was dead and dad had taken himself to a care home). In your shoes I would go ahead with your plan. Your DH should be your priority because you've got siblings who can step up with your parents. I wish you all the best with it, you're going to be second guessing yourself all the way but you do what you have to do. Good luck

True but he’s also seen what his brother has in uk and realises he has so much more there. Added to that he really hates the heat and it’s getting worse as he gets older. No1 son, of course, went to uk for a holiday in 2002 and won’t be back. He had no intention of staying in UK, he just landed on his feet and now can’t even be bothered to come back for a holiday although as we get older he probably will pop over every now and again and bring the grandson.

LOL my second son did that - went to UK at 18 or 19, going to stay forever. Arrived in June, home just after the New Year and then he said he was never going back, Australia was the best place on earth blah blah. Now he says he would kill to go back there ever since he had a holiday in 2016 and we travelled about a lot. Unfortunately for him he's got two kids whose mother wouldnt let them leave the country although both have said they would like to live in UK because of the weather. You never can tell can you.

I wouldn't be banking on the reciprocal arrangement covering everything - it rather depends on the Medicare item number. I'd say private health insurance would be a sensible option.

Could be not stay at school in UK until end of A levels? That way he would get GCSEs as well, which would stand him in his stead if he wanted a UK Uni. One aims he's an Australian citizen so will be able to come and go at will, so he could visit you for holidays, Maybe he could board with family or friends - he would probably still be OK for the "habitually resident" requirement. I don't think it would be a Bright move to take him to Australia for 9&10 then back for A levels, stick with one system.

Not really. There is a last remaining relative visa (if you are her last remaining relative of course) but that has a waiting time of about 40-50 years I believe. Does she have a skill that she could apply for a permanent visa in her own right? If she did, then she would have to got the visa before she turned 45 and if your dad is still alive she probably wouldnt be wanting to leave him then anyway. Biggest question though is would she want to move? She has her life where she is, she might not want to leave all her friends and all that she knows to move to the other side of the world where she knows you and that's it. She'd probably end up quite impoverished too - I assume she would work for a few years but that wouldnt be enough to help her generate a decent income for retirement so she might have to work well beyond retirement age just to pay the bills. Perhaps better to let her sort her own life out at this stage (unless, of course she is incapable of that in which case you are going to struggle getting a visa for her anyway if she has a disability) than trying to shoehorn her into your life. Best advice, if she wants to move she needs to talk to a MARA registered agent and see what her options are.

1. Yes 2. Not government jobs 3. No. Federal government jobs require citizenship. State government jobs require permanent residence and competition for all of them is fierce. I don't think you have much chance of moving to Australia next year for a government job tbh.

We do all, indeed deserve the best but sometimes we just have to go along with the "least worst" option and, honestly, in the scheme of things it could be a whole lot worse! For me, reframing into "this is my choice because the alternative isnt tenable" goes some way to making me feel more in charge. I wont say that I am happy inside because I am not but there is a certain level of contentment and I now talk to my DH about it and he is very understanding which he was not before. Having been in the situation where many of you now are - intransigent husband NEVER going to set foot in UK ever again, not even for a holiday if he can help it (yup, that was my DH, couldnt bear to leave his tomatoes for more than 4 weeks if he could possibly avoid it!) - you never know what fate will bring you and you could be as fortunate as I have been to have over 8 years back in UK (very happily) because my DH was gobsmacked that my parents needed so much support and I wasnt there for them. He was bloody brilliant for a chap who never wanted to return to UK ever again and now we have done it, he saw the difference it made to me and even though we are back in Australia he is more than happy to go back to UK for holidays when we are no longer Covid constrained. Sometimes you just have to play the hand you are dealt and hope that it turns out full of trumps LOL. My DH now realises he penalised himself by missing some of our eldest son's proud achievements and I really think he regrets that so he isnt going to let it happen again. I think a lot of us are of the mind that if we knew then what we know now we would never have agreed in the first place!!! Mind you, I dont think I would have wanted to be like my uncle for example - lived in the village he was born in until he was 87 and had to move into a care home in a "foreign" village 5 miles away - but he will tell you he's had a great life and is the epitome of "happy chappy" bless him. I've always had itchy feet but Australia doesnt scratch that particular itch any more.

Are you a psychologist or social worker? I'm not sure that counsellor is on the list of skills required for a visa. In Australia, counsellors are not regulated and don't attract Medicare subsidies unlike psychologists. Anyone can put up their shingle and call themselves a counsellor, even if they've just done the Meghan Markle online counselling certificate one weekend. It's not a very lucrative profession as you would be in direct competition with psychs who get Medicare subsidies and there are more psychs to the square inch here than anywhere else except California. If counsellor is on the list of occupations needed for a visa then you can apply. If it's not, then you can't.

Wouldn’t your travel insurance cover any medical costs?

You are applying for citizenship from a temporary visa? I rather think you would be declined as you need to have at least a year as a permanent resident. Or is it that you have applied for a permanent residency visa (not citizenship?).

LOL mum doesnt cope with her spending 4 days with her dad without contact (often in person although that does need to stop). I think if she moved away from our side of the lake in Canberra there would be hell to pay but actually, I doubt the DGD has the guts to do it - her mother's anxieties are well entrenched, poor girl.

I certainly only had emotional blackmail once for my moves and that was from my daughter in law who couldnt see that we needed to be in UK to care for my parents. She couldnt even understand that I had obligations to our other son at the time that they were expecting their second daughter - so I was in UK when DGD2 was born - I dont think DGD2 knew or cared that I wasnt back until she was about 6 weeks old. She played the emotional blackmail card often - no one else in my family ever did though. I was talking in more generalities - we've seen it on here where parents want to return but kids dont and exert some pressure on them to stay.

Many of my friends are long term expats like myself and with one exception (she came from Manchester, perhaps that has something to do with it) all are beyond the point of no return and they were universally envious that I had my 8 years there. Most of them go home for a sanity hit - some can afford it every year, others every couple of years. One has just dispatched her dementia driven husband to a care home - I wouldnt be in the least bit surprised that once he has gone, she will go back to UK. She's 74 and is cleaning house at the moment with a view to selling it next year and moving on (somewhere!!!!!)