Quoll

Ask them. Only problem is that if you haven't got her name down on a waiting list then she's not likely to get a place anyway. In general though, no, cut off dates are cut off dates. No point in having them if every man and his dog is going to try and circumvent them. Couple of options if you're really intent - one is to spend the first term of the year she would turn 5 in NSW because their cut off is end July. Then there is an across border agreement that if a child has already stated school in another state, they can enrol with that year level cohort if they move. It was originally designed for military kids who have to move interstate and given the lack of a common entry point that didn't disadvantage them. We used to get it often in ACT where we have an April cut off but across the border is July - bloody annoying from the schools point of view but some parents didn't want to pay child care fees! Other option is to home school for that year. Get the curriculum docs from the place you'll be returning to and do it that way. Other option, don't sweat it. Chances are she will be just fine when she returns to UK, the schools there seem to do a fantastic job at helping kids catch up. Edited to say - is not just the academic that schools consider with kids outside the cut off, it's physical and socio-emotional development too.

You get your visa BEFORE you apply for work! Check to see that your skills are on the wanted list then go through the process and hope that you may one day be offered a visa. You can’t just rock up and expect to get a job which will lead you to a visa. You need to talk to an agent about whether you’re going to be eligible. No point in being gutted about it, you’re either skilled or you aren’t.

Hate to say this but you're probably not going to move. It sounds like it's in the "too hard" basket for your DH and, I admit, we certainly made decisions which saw us take the pragmatic option of the moment - it certainly wasn't the emotional decision which would have seen me live where I belong and, years down the track, I do regret that. If your financial security preparing for your oLder age is better in Australia then it will be very hard for him to let that go. But, still, there is always encouragement for people making the move in the opposite direction to "follow your dreams" so the same should apply to you and whilst a move might be scary, people do do it all the time. I agree with the others, counselling both for yourself and you as a couple would seem to be a priority - you might be able to get a compromise deal that sees both of you with your needs meet and you should get equipped with strategies to help you manage if you don't get the deal you desire. Or you could play the Meghan card and issue an ultimatum to your DH like she did to Harry (sorry, that's by way of being a bad joke! But it seems to have worked for her!) I sincerely wish you all the best but honestly think you might be stuck in a situation where you have to work out what will be your "least worst" option and live with that.

And don't forget that if you have kids you will have to pay for their school education

Living in Sydney (if you can afford it) is going to be much like living in London (if you can afford it). Kids are fine as long as they have mummy, daddy and their security toys. The younger they are the easier the adaptation. Does it have to be Sydney? It really is very expensive and you can get more bang for your buck Elsewhere. Has your OH got British citizenship yet? If not, that should be a priority because you never know when you might need it - getting back in as a foreign spouse can be problematic. From your point of view, if you aren't 100% sure how you're going to cope in Australia, read up on the Hague Convention (we have a sticky on here somewhere).

Could be enormous then!

Was Mr Fluffy an interstate franchise or did he just infect ACT? I hadn't heard of mass demolitions elsewhere or have they just let them alone?

The apartment living in Civic has certainly boomed since we left. Do the apartment buildings not have their own car parks? Somehow I can't imagine that they're going to be that attractive to young families though, so they're going to be the ones hit by squeezing cars out of the centres. The Civic profile has certainly changed massively over the past 40 years! When we arrived there were big dirt car parks between the Lakeside (or whatever is called now - ah the QT you mentioned!) and University Ave and nothing on the lake side of that other than the old ex Migrant hostel buildings. The building up of Braddon into apartments was a big deal when it happened first but they're miniscule in comparison with the new builds. We are certainly incredibly lucky to have our quarter acre within easy walking of Civic!

I’m really surprised that the emphasis is on getting people out of cars, doesn’t seem like that’s working too well. I have seen light rail thing though - twice - since we’ve been here and not, apparently, that well patronised but that may have been time of day of course. The buses would be good if they left on time - trying to catch one from civic today was a bit of a challenge as one failed to materialise leaving an hour between buses. I walk wherever I can and see almost nobody else doing the same. Will try the bus down to Woden tomorrow but will probably need a lift out of civic (light rail sod all use to me and probably the majority of Canberrans). I’m surprised, too, at the number of people using bikes as functional transport - far fewer than I recall than back in the day when the DH and DS used to use their bikes all the time. I’ve seen the odd Lycra gang but not as many regular folk using their bikes to get from a to b. We will still need a car when we return, obviously, but this week I’ve only used it a couple of times apart from today when I needed to go to Fyshwick and to drop the DH off at the Bus Station at some Godforsaken hour. one good thing though is that the car parks are quite cheap and I love the little green light thingies in the Civic car parks so you know where the spaces are!

Yeah, when it's not smokey the view is lovely. I walk up it regularly

Its alright unless you go Base over apex walking down the back side of Mt Ainslie like I did this morning - anyone seen a few acres of skin out there in the bush? Thought I had a broken wrist but now think it's just a humungous bruise! So if you're healthy and like to get out and walk in Canberra, go down the front side of Mt Ainslie and not the back side!!!! It certainly could be a much worse place! The DH is getting the bus to Sydney tomorrow for the day - now that would be much worse!!!

Not got much better then huh?

I don’t think we are disagreeing Cal - the two places are different, people are different. The issue I have is the naive assumption that a move to Australia is somehow magically “better”. If you have a kid who loves the outdoors in UK , likely that they will love the outdoors in Australia. If they’re a kid who prefers museums in U.K. then they’ll likely prefer museums in Australia. If they have a parent who isn’t engaged in U.K. then they’ll likely have the same unengaged parent in Australia. If a kid is lucky enough to have an engaged enthusiastic parent then it really doesn’t matter which first world country they’re in! The subjectivity of “better” is complex - is it “better” to remove a kid from an environment where they have established friendships and extended family and move them to the other side of the world to a new school/community where (all depending on their age, skills and social connectivity) they could be like a fish out of water for some time. To a place where the only contact with people who’ve been integral in their lives to date is through the computer (I’ve yet to discover a hug friendly computer). I really struggle with that actually. It’s the one regret that both my sons have expressed over the years - their separation from extended family. Both are now adult and both have experienced partners with humongous extended family and they’ve been a bit wistful that their family - albeit a very happy one - wasn’t like that. On the plus side though, both of them are incredibly self sufficient, self assured and not in the least bit needy (unlike both their partners, as it happens!) Better to say they want to offer their kids different experiences, no problem with that at all but, really, a 24 hour flight doesn’t confer anything magical on any child or parent (except a nasty dose of jet lag).

I agree, I think it's largely down to the parenting - opportunities are there in both places - maybe different opportunities but plenty if you look for them. I see kids on every playground I pass in UK - here, In Canberra on my walks I pass a lot of playgrounds - loads of them - and since we've been here I can't say that I've noticed a single kid playing on any of them (may be a Canberra thing, they're all in the malls!). I've seen very few kids on bikes here despite walking on tracks that are very bike friendly, in Cambridge its really common for kids to ride their bikes to school and my own kids certainly did. I have noticed 4 or 5 houses with basket ball hoops though - there was a period here where I didn't spot one! I'm not convinced about the "staying children for longer" thing either although it's always touted. I guess that may also be down to area and parenting, I've seen plenty of inappropriate behaviour across the board over the years, working in schools, which would make that very questionable. Maybe they're better at conning adults into thinking they're squeaky clean, I dunno. I do know that my son is very concerned about his eldest daughter's social cohort in Upper primary and all that they're engaged with! He's got his finger on it but it doesn't surprise me in the least. I'm also concerned by the level of mental health issues in adolescents here in Australia - hopefully all the work being done to reduce the youth suicide rate is paying off because at one stage our youth suicide rate and self harming rates were a national disgrace.

Well said! I can directly compare Australian granddaughters with UK grandson and there's absolutely nothing better about Australia in the way that people think it will magically endow something wonderful on their kids. All my grandkids are having a great time and that's more to do with the parenting they're getting. You often hear the "lots of free things" in Australia - just as many in UK if you look in the same way that you can spend a fortune in Australia on child activities (going to the Australian ballet next week with DGD1). The outdoor lifestyle is trotted out with regularity - my Aussie granddaughters are rarely outside whereas my UK grandson is always out riding his bike or playing on the local rec - I guess that's more of a personality thing - he'd probably be outside on his bike here in Australia too. Kids are going to be just fine, entertained, stimulated, excited, in either place with engaged and interested loving adults around them.

LOL yes, definitely kicking!!!!

So glad that you had a fabulous time and to be able to share it with Daniel - awesome!!!! One day you'll be able to be where you want to be - with any luck!!! I know just what you mean about crying when you cross the coast - it's like putting on a comfy old pair of slippers.

You want the weather??? Oh dear. However you seem to have the right attitude. If it works you win, if it doesn't, you move on and lose a shed load of money in the process. But Marisa is right - it's not Britain in the other side of the world, it's a foreign country which happens to speak English and drive on the left, that's about it. Just another first world country with all those things that you whinge about in your current first world country but lots of customs and mores which will be alien to you.

I don't think Australia has more to offer children at all so really that shouldn't be an issue. Of more importance is where do you want to be. How well will you cope with bringing up your kids in isolation from family support and if you are already racked with guilt about not being there for family, how will you cope with the guilt of having the grandkids on the other side of the world (and, no, Skype is not a good substitute!!!!). You have to be very self sufficient and selfish to be a successful migrant and that's 10 times more important when you have kids! I'm inclined to agree with JtH - in the normal course of events you need to do what YOU want to do but don't let your Narc mum dictate your life because of what she wants. If you want to live in UK with kids then do it, if you want to live in Australia with kids then do it. Neither country is inherently better, both are first world places and kids would have that first world advantage in either.

I don’t think there is a magic answer, sadly. Whenever you and your OH aren’t on the same page about where you want to be there are always going to be problems for one or other of you. The only thing to do is to talk, talk, talk and try and reach a compromise. Unfortunately many relationships have bitten the dust in the process because one of you just can’t live where the other belongs. I know all about exogenous depression having been there and got the t shirt - never thought that would happen to pragmatic old me. I’m in Australia at the moment, prior to moving back for good following the most wonderful 8 year break in U.K. (caring for nonagenarian parents!) I wish we had moved back to U.K. years ago because then I think we would have stayed. As it is, it’s financially more sensible for us to be in Australia - them’s the breaks - and whilst I no longer vomit at the thought of living here I’m not looking forward to it, despite the facade I put on for the DH. He's the Australian who never wanted to live in UK ever again but he's enjoyed himself mainly because I had promised that we would return when we were no longer needed. Neither of us thought it would be this long but I've loved almost every minute. Being in Australia at the moment, must admit I'm struggling to see the "better Lifestyle" - nothing better about it at all as far as I can see (although I do look chic in a P2 mask!) I do agree with FWP - reframing whichever decision into a “this isn’t forever, it’s a decision I am making to do xyz " and still giving yourself the illusion of being free to live where you want and move whether you want is key to surviving. As long as you are feeling trapped, it's like being in jail and nobody loves a prison. That, and a sense of compromise, is key.

Yup, back until the end of the month then home for a couple of months before moving back permanently. Bloody smoke indeed! I’m doing better than I thought I would - we are well masked up and the DS is über prepared because he’s already been burnt out once. Several of his friends have lost homes in Gippsland and the fires still rumble on there so there may be more. I’ve had to miss my walks - funny, in 8 years in UK I can count on one hand the times that’s happened for me but it’s been several days here already! Not something you can really “dress” for although I do look chic in a P2!

Don't do it just for "better life for the kids" - there is nothing inherently "better", it's just another first world country with the same problems that any other first world country enjoys. If you want to do it, do it because you have a blazing desire for adventure and you're prepared to lose around £50k. Please don't do it because you've watched WDU or H&A and think life is actually like that. I'm in Australia on holiday at the moment and I'm gobsmacked at how expensive things are - even doing the quick £/$ calculation. I know Marisa had mentioned the £30k estimate for getting settled but, honestly I'd be upping that to £50k and add to that, too, the 6 months (take an average wage) buffer just in case you're out of work for a while and sparkies can be of of work as it takes them a while to get their state certificates (UK qualifications not enough here!). Should add I lived here for 32 years before we moved back to UK for the last 8 years caring for elderly parents, now on our way back in a few months after this holiday. If at the end of that you're in the "Life is an Adventure" camp then talk to an agent and see if you've got a look in with a PR visa before you go all gung Ho planning other stuff. Good luck!

For the past 8 years I've needed to keep an Aus number and a right pita it is too but you can get a 12 month "number keeper" with Vodafone and ask them for International Roaming with it. Works out at $20 a year for me but it may have gone up now. My bank won't register a UK number but the credit card co will. Which reminds me, it's due for renewal at the end of this month.

Sure is! Paradoxically I've been coping really well - considerably lighter and much fitter than when I left but this last week has shown exactly why it was that back in the day I was obese and unfit. Anyway, all masked up, I've made a point of walking whenever I can (didn't go up the mountain today though, it was tough enough yesterday with much better AQI. We are fortunate in that my son, having been burned out in 2015 is paranoid about prepping for any and every possibility - we have a stock of high quality masks and a comprehensive bush fire plan With strategies and alternatives for all contingencies.

Why would you expect parents to move t o Australia? Moving an elderly person is cruel, taking them away from their home, their neighbourhood, their friends and consigning them to isolation and financial constraints. I would definitely question the "better lifestyle" for the elderly (this old chook is struggling with 42C today!) and talking to my mates, also elderly, about health services around here - appalling!