Quoll

Sadly, there isn’t going to be a simple answer to your dilemma. Some people grow through the displacement. Some grow through to actually love the place, others grow through and become inured to the feelings but never really grasp the wonderful ness of it all. Others just live in miserable limbo for the rest of their days. I guess I was different in that in the beginning it was an adventure and we had moved about quite a bit in our early marriage so that I thought at some stage there would be another move. I had my kids in Australia and, being very independent and self sufficient, that wasn’t an issue for me. I prioritised trips back to see my family and eventually my parents did 6/6 months visits. While the kids were growing up we opted for stability. It wasn’t until the kids had left home and we began talking about retirement that I realised how different were DH’s expectations from my own and CLANG the iron bars came down. Bit of a slow learner I suppose but the thought of being trapped in Australia which, by then, I had come to loathe, really did bad things to my health, both physical and mental. However, I got hit with the “lucky” stick and one holiday 8 years ago (rarely, one of the few that I had actually been able to drag my DH back) - the deterioration in my parents was obvious and my DH said “we can’t leave them here like this” - so we didn’t, with just our backpacks, we stayed ....... for 8 years! I can honestly say that living in UK has given me my life back. I am literally half the woman I was, I am fit, lift weights, have lots of friends, do interesting things whilst all the while caring for a couple of nonagenarians. My dad has now decided that he is better off in a care home - and he is, there’s more going on, trained people instantly on tap so we are selling up his home (making us homeless) and in the last stages of moving back to Australia. I no longer vomit at the prospect much as I don’t want to go. How you decide whether you choose to be the sacrificial lamb in your relationship is up to you but I guess it depends on how strong you feel and how well the two of you communicate. My rationale was always that I would happily live with the least worst option and you have to decide if he is the one you want to grow old and have grandkids with (even though he hasn’t proposed yet!) in which case, which is your least worst option - in a place you don’t want to be with him or in a place you want to be without him. I chose my DH over the place (he's a better cuddler) and whilst I felt there was an escape route potential that was ok. I think moving on from here the gratitude I have for all that he has given up to care for my parents here will armour me through a few more years in Australia anyway and our plans are to come home for frequent visits given the 95 year old dad in care and a 5 year old grandson we need to connect with. Whatever you do, don’t bring kids into the equation until you are convinced of your ability to live with the least worst option for a long time. But meanwhile, might I suggest you seek out some counselling to help you focus on moving forwards in whichever direction. Sometimes the ideas just go round and round in your head and just get more and more muddled. You might find, for instance that there might be barriers to your progress - could your OH actually live in U.K. with visa for starters (that’s a frequent big hurdle), would their skill set be transferable, do they have other family imperatives which makes leaving unlikely? Your GP can facilitate counselling as it seems that your preoccupation with your situation could be leading you into situational depression. CBT and ACT are quite useful therapies in this regard. They can't solve the situational problem but, done well, they can give you tools to deal with it. At the end of the day, your dilemma is just between two first world countries, there is nothing magic about either but the ephemeral sense of “belonging” is worth millions I reckon. Good luck! Some of us do understand only too well and maybe it helps you to know that you aren't Robinson Crusoe!

You could volunteer somewhere - there may be homeless centres or something which would like an extra pair of hands.

Interesting. I am tempted down this path myself. You're right, the stuff that matters is irreplaceable really and the other stuff is just stuff. I will give that some thought - the insurance websites seem like a bit of a nightmare tbh

No medical, no visa, simples!

It might be that as you approached Centrelink they were referring to the child care benefits which, as neither of you is employed, would be an issue. Have you been to the local preschool and checked out if you can apply for her to be enrolled? Centrelink doesnt have anything to do with education.

Sadly, if you are deported for not being a bone fide tourist you could be apart for 3 years

I would have thought that if you entered on a tourist visa and proclaim your intention to apply for a partner visa you’d likely be on the first plane home. Why not get your application in offshore ASAP and either wait for it or go on a tourist visa for short periods while you wait.

Go with the Ancestry visa, much cheaper in the long run! On a spouse visa there are all sorts of benefits that you and the kids might be denied because they would be seen as supporting him indirectly.

Blimey I hope vacuum cleaners are allowed, we are taking our stick Dyson! For us its going to be a cube full of books, wool, tools and family memorabilia along with a bike and probably the ironing board because it is new and it will fit. We were thinking of the new under bench freezer and possibly tumble dryer but we might be struggling for weight although the volume is looking easy.

Lol! I’m grooming the grandlets for the FH! And one of them is already interested in wool so that’s my stash sorted!! All the other stuff, you’re right, I’ve waved bye to some stuff from grandparents, rehomed a bit with cousins and generally been quite ruthless!

Nope, it’s happening! Someone coming to look at one of the cars in 20 minutes.

We are doing OK with Gumtree otherwise lots (and lots and lots) of bags have gone to our local op shop. Quite a bit has gone on Free cycle and we currently have a very large skip on the lawn which is rapidly getting filed with stuff that no one would ever want. We have a local recycling centre which had also done well out of us and a couple of local organisations with particular interests have done well too. Haven't ventured into FB marketplace and time is flying!!!

If you absolutely hate every single thing about NY you may like it.

Not the fault of any minister. He tried to game the system and failed. It sounds like maybe his parents should have insisted that he return home with them to get well mentally and work on getting himself a skill that could result in a permanent visa but hindsight is perfect vision unfortunately and he was old enough to lie in the bed he'd made. People do have to realise that just "wanting" to live in Australia doesn't mean you can. It's not Australia's fault.

The states are all different, the op asked about Victoria. Mind you, I think a National policy for school ages is well overdue!

It would have been difficult - well, more of a hassle for me if I’d done that, I was only going for 6 weeks that ended up being 8 years!

Pounds

If you’re only going for 2 weeks no you don’t need to renew your uk passport. They’ll just stamp you with a visitor visa and expect you to leave. But I concur - just renew it and keep it current, you never know when you might need it. Only half the price of an Aussie one!

We are on the way back now. Dad has enough marbles and has made the decision to be in a care home, knowing that means we have to sell his home and return to Australia. I hope I will cope! He seems quite sanguine about it and says that he is better off in a care hotel (as it’s called) - he’s right, there is more going on for him and people who care as a profession. It’s going to be a bugger but we don’t have too many choices and we’ve given them our 60s, I don’t think we can give him our 70s too. Some days I feel like a real b!tch but that’s life! I’m going to miss the son and grandson too, just like I’ve missed the son and granddaughters this past 8 years!

I wouldn't be banking on getting the Australian age benefit - is not a pension, it's a welfare payment and nobody is "entitled" to it as such. If you have income from uk - as you would - you'd probably not be eligible. If you did return then you might be wise to pour absolutely everything you've got into your superannuation then you wouldn't need the welfare payment. Is a shame you live your house where you are, it's so much easier if you don't have any emotional attachment to a place especially if you then struggle to find somewhere equally desirable.

Rather depends on where you live and where you work as to whether you will need a car. Most Aussies have /need cars except, perhaps, those whose lives are totally in the central city area and they don't need to go elsewhere. With little kids that's certainly more of a challenge. In Canberra, where my place is, you need to be a two car family and certainly buying and running used cars is a more expensive hobby than it is in UK, no idea about Dubai.

I love the winter too - there's rarely a day that you cant get out and walk, it's just a matter of appropriate clothing! I love Christmas here - the Christmas markets, the misty evenings and carol singers, - just great!!! I'm always surprised at how quickly the days get lighter after the shortest day - and when they do get longer it's such a lovely feeling.

It’sa foreign country with completely different education systems so don’t sweat what he’s already done, just accept that he will be starting with his age peers in Jan 2020 or, if you arrive after that, he will slot in with that same group of age peers part way through 2020. Don’t rush to get him in school. Get your permanent place of residence sorted first. If you arrive with some references about how good a tenant you have been elsewhere and from your Aussie employers (by preference) or an extra large bond if you aren’t yet employed, then you should be ok and then getting the school sorted is easy as the local school will be obliged to find him a place at any time. As for bringing your stuff - up to you. Check out how much it will cost you to replace things and compare with what it would cost you to send stuff over.

You should ask your clinical supervisor for Advice in your specific professional area. It’d be no good asking a psychologist! Actually that would be a useful issue to discuss in supervision I would have thought.

Surely if you're a professional you know how to write your own cv? A better option, if you are that stymied by the process, would perhaps be to ask someone in your profession to proof read your cv for you and make constructive comments but to actually ask someone to show you their cv is beyond cheeky.