Quoll

Onshore visas are now taking 2 years +, off shore is quicker and several people have recently got their allocated quite quickly - quicker than they expected. Tourist visas are difficult especially if you are pregnant - medical cover could be tricky and you could get a tourist visa which says "no further stay". Quite possible to have a baby without family support and you could move on quite quickly after the baby is registered and gets a passport (it will be Australian by descent).

You run the risk of being turned around at the border of you lie about your intentions. Why not put your application in now then apply for a tourist visa to visit while you wait - or, even more sensible, put it in now and wait for it to be issued then get your new baby's citizenship sorted and all go together without risks. Means you'll have to delay by a few months but better that than being turned around at the border or being on tourist conditions and a bridging visa for a couple of years while you wait for an on shore visa to arrive.

Been thinking about your dilemma on my long Sunday walk and Marissa has already mentioned what would be my first suggestion - counselling can help you both be heard and it will make him realise just how much you are impacted by this. Pragmatically I think you probably have to get your head around the fact that you are likely to be trapped - a business will do that to you but you still have to feel that you have achieved some sort of compromise in order to live without resentment for the longer term so you might want to work out what your compromise situation might be - for example, you get a trip home every year, you promise to work your socks off to fit in better but at a defined date - say when you have got citizenship - he will seriously consider a move on to UK and work towards getting his business a going concern which could be sold or managed if needed. Perhaps he could agree to look at getting UK licenses by correspondence or by short term courses so that he is prepared to move should your joint decision be to move onwards. But it would help if you could think of some things that he would be required to "give" in order to make you feel like you are not the one giving everything. Compromise is key here. Meanwhile I would look at maybe volunteering for something that will get you into a wider group of people - first thought maybe Army Reserves (both my sons enjoyed the camaraderie of bootcamp, weirdly), or CFA (dont have to go and fight the fires, they like logistics/communication personnel too) or maybe Lifeline Counsellor training - acquire skills which might give you wider options in the longer term and also involve training which takes you to situations where trust and personal relationships are key. If you're sporty then a lot of folk seem to find links in sporting teams - I'm not, and the gym hasn't been a wonderful place for friendships but I love knitting and have found knitting groups have provided a wealth of social connectivity. There will probably be interest groups you could hook into and meet like minded people. Rather than buy a house (which, as I said, initially I would avoid like the plague as yet another millstone around your necks) perhaps you could look at renting in another suburb - Marissa has suggested some different options and the BM might be something worth looking at. He sounds like a great lad though, wanting to do his best by you and that is to be praised but his notion of what is best could be the usual Aussie perception - big house, big car, holidays to Bali - lovely in theory but if your life beyond that is empty and sterile, not really doing what is best for you. I'm not a great Sydney fan and its suburbs would probably reduce me to wrist slitting territory but there must be pockets of more community oriented places that might float your boat. When I was at my lowest with full blown exogenous depression I found that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) worked well for me - doesnt work for everyone but there were some strategies which helped me get over the unhelpful thinking which began to take over my life. If you feel like you are being overwhelmed, your GP would be your first port of call and you can discuss a mental health plan to get yourself some counselling but don't sit and wallow in what you're feeling so much as seeking out strategies to help you cope with intrusive unhelpful thoughts. Even if at the end of the day you choose to stay because that is your least worst option (it was mine - no brainer!!!) you can live with it and make a good life for yourself because you are a strong woman but you have to reframe it into this is the choice you are making rather than this is what you are being forced to do.

With all due respect that's utter tosh. Some people can feel settled in 45 minutes, others live there but never feel settled after 45 years. Trapped, perhaps, but "belongingly settled" nope. Trite platitudes don't really help. That's not to say that the OP might not learn to live with it in time or she may continue to bang her head against the brick wall in hopes that it will make the headache go away.

No, sadly you're not alone but my guess is that there is probably nothing you're going to be able to do about it. So many British women have found that even if they've got the best husband in the world and one who is prepared to move on to UK with them that getting a visa for a spouse is nigh on impossible without a good income or lots of savings (if your DH has recent British ancestry then it's all good though and as a couple you could consider trying it in UK) It'd be a gamble whether a home of your own makes you feel better or whether it becomes a financial millstone around your neck and one which restricts your illusion of freedom even further. For me, the illusion of freedom to live wherever I wanted - Aus or UK - was the single thing that kept me going and when that illusion was shattered I really struggled. My pragmatic head told me for decades that Australia was home but my heart never got with the plan - ever - and, for me, Britain is "home", Australia is where my house is. Personally I found that I had lots of acquaintances but very few "call at 3am friends" and after over 30 years could count on the fingers of one hand those who would have the slightest claim to friendship status. I've had loads of "friends" but they were all very transient and rather situationally specific - either the workplace I was in, the interests my kids had etc. And once one of us changed situation friendships sort of fizzled. The most enduring ones are with people who, like me, are long term expats who would give their eye teeth to return (as I have, quite unexpectedly) and with whom I have worked on disaster recovery situations (very tough situations and lots of emotions flying). I really feel for you being an only child - sucks, doesn't it?!!!!!! Bottom line - unless your DH would consider a move back to UK and could get a visa to do that, you're stuck. You could move elsewhere in Australia to see if things feel different or, if not and your DH is the man you want to have kids with and grow old beside, you just resign yourself to living the least worst option for the rest of your life and get on with it. Stay off social media so you're not forever scratching the itch of the life you loved that you left and put your head down and your bum up and stiff upper lip and all that. In some ways, it's easier if you know that your DH would struggle to get a visa because then that takes one point of contention off the table and you can reframe to say to yourself that you make the choice to stay with him and that means it has to be in Australia - if the situation is equivocal then it can deteriorate to a point where you begin to resent him for keeping you there when he could move on with you. But one thing is really important - don't bring kids into the equation until you've got it all sorted because kids can and do change dynamics and they will tie you to Australia for ever because even if the absolute worst happened and you and your DH split, the Family Court would not let you leave with the kids if your DH said no. And don't underestimate the level of independence and self sufficiency you will need to raise kids in isolation on the other side of the world especially when his family will have better access than yours. Both are first world countries and neither is inherently better than the other. I've got grandkids in both and they're all doing OK. Good luck!!!

After my son, as a teen, got mugged in Westfield Paramatta food court for his Oakley sunnies, I must say that Paramatta wouldn't be on my list of desirable places to live. I don't think it's improved much in the intervening years either.

Can you get a visa if you're not going to be eligible to be a teacher? TBH I wouldn't even think about teaching. PE teachers are a dime a dozen and they like you to have a second string to your bow, like Maths - in places where people want to live anyway. But if you've got the background in one of the major disciplines (generally rugby :-)) you might pick up something in one of the private schools who are heavily into interschool competition.

The baby has to be registered before it becomes an Australian citizen but once it is registered then it will need a passport but until it's registered it isn't a citizen and can get a visitor visa.

Can you go now before the baby? There and back, you don’t need to stay. Probably running it a bit close. Or could you leave the baby for a few days at 2 months? Personally I wouldn’t be opting to take a 2 month baby alone for a flying visit. I did it with a 12 week old for a 2 month visit and it was ok but not something I’d recommend to the faint hearted.

Suffolk, East Anglia or Essex? Did you only do 35 days and is that why they wont sign off on 45 days?

Does the University have any student housing? That might be an option. Otherwise $94k ex tax is probably going to be quite comfortable in Sydney as the kids' school fees are being paid for you. You will probably have to revise your expectations about the environment you want to live in though - nice quiet blocks within cooee of the centre of the city are not really common.

Potentially highly significant. You would be best to talk to an agent who specialises in medical conditions with all the documentation you've got. Catch 22 is that generally if a kid is needy enough to be eligible for support in school then they will be ineligible for a visa - and vice versa. If you get a visa you're unlikely to get any help. Australia is reputed not to do autism very well and returnees have generally commented favorably on how much more supportive British schools have been.

I love the mask analogy! It definitely sounds like counselling all round would be a good thing for everyone - for you to develop the strength you need to live the life you want, for your dad to get support in dealing with someone who is probably making his life a misery with her addictions and your mum to get help with her addiction. Your brother needs a smack! Any chance you could stay with your husband's family rather than the campervan (in December, in England, straight from an Australian summer - I think not!!!). You're much of an age as my kids and reading your story just makes me want to give you a hug! Stay strong!!! Just as an afterthought could you and your dad maybe find an AlAnon meeting locally while you are there and sneak off together - could be a start. https://al-anon.org

Oh dear. I really feel for you but wonder why you feel the need to have a good relationship with someone who makes your life so miserable. By allowing her to make you feel guilty about enjoying your life as you want to live it you're not doing yourself any favours. I always say that to be a successful migrant you need to be very selfish and it sounds to me like you need to start being that way in spades right now or for the rest of her life you are going to be manipulated. You could start by cancelling your Christmas trip and reducing contact between you - calling 5 times a week is a bit ott (IMHO!). Don't be home when she calls and let your husband take the flak for a while (he could try the "I won't have you upsetting my wife " line to change the dynamics that you are no longer their little girl). Be prepared that this may end your relationship and that may not be a bad thing if it's a relationship that's causing you grief. On the other hand (and this actually sounds less likely given that its forever been a controlling relationship) they could be grieving for the loss of their expected lives. They would have had visions of what they thought their old age was going to look like and you've screwed that up for them and grief does weird things to people and they don't always behave in the way you think/hope they will. If kids will be in your future then this is only going to get worse. I never had your problem thank goodness - any guilt I felt was purely of my own making (only child, octogenarian increasingly frail parents) but I think if they had done the controlling thing I would have cut them off without a thought but maybe that's because they never tried to control me and I was never conditioned to be controlled. Good luck, it's an unenviable situation you are in!

I'd be getting the kids their UK passports too although technically they could just rock up and get a visa stamp on arrival although immigration could look a bit askance at you because if you, with your UK passports, decided to stay (as you are citizens) your kids probably wouldn't leave when their visa expired and so would be technically undocumented in country and a visa overstayer. They could potentially hassle you over that on arrival. Beats me why people don't keep all their precious passports current, never know when you might need them in a hurry. Yes you need travel insurance even for UK. If you're not residents you'll need to pay for medical treatment unless it's an emergency.

Your grandparents probably didn't apply for citizenship as it wasn't really as an important thing back then so I should think it highly unlikely he would have any sort of claim on Australia. He was only there for a short time anyway and its not as if he was born there.

Why would they even think of selling up and transporting stuff if there is a chance they won't get a visa? Apply offshore then go for long visits would be the safest bet and sell up when they have their visa in their hot little hands

No subsidy - it'll cost you around $120 a day. Whether you can find a place or not rather depends on the waiting lists for places. Universities usually have child care with priority given to students.

Work experience has always been post qualification

They may not believe the child would return if their child visa is refused for whatever reason. You also run the risk as a tourist the child wouldn't be entitled to medical coverage and for a new baby that could be a risk. Either delivery in Australia, which would be the most sensible, or wait for the child visa to be issued.

I guess you’ve checked his ancestry to ensure that there isn’t a British born grandparent lurking in there somewhere? If there is, he could apply for an Ancestry visa which is a whole lot easier. Failing that, is there any Irish or other European Ancestry which might get him a European passport as that would be enough (at the moment to get him into UK. Other than that, you've already got good advice about the partner visa. Good luck.

Not quite. You are entitled to pay the same as Australians for "necessary" medical care. That doesnt mean everything that could happen - for example if your kid wants his tonsils out that's elective. You want your gall bladder out, that's elective. You need a knee replacement, that's elective. You need a procedure as a cancer screen, that my be elective - it's whatever the schedule says it is, not whether you think it's necessary or not. Most specialists are private unless you choose to wait some time - there was an article in the Canberra Times last year which said the public wait to see a urologist was 6 years! You generally can pay around the $100-120 mark for a specialist "gap". Medicare is a co-pay system so the expectation is that Aussies will pay around $35 per visit to a GP. Of all the Aussies I know, none are hell bent on getting a bulk billing doctor as are all the new migrants on here who seem to think that they should get free health care because that's the way it is with the NHS. Bulk billing was designed as a safety net for those who would struggle to pay the co-payment but it seems to be being exploited by the factories which churn patients through, usually with little continuity of care. Medicare is not the NHS In all states you need to watch out for ambulance cover - some states have it as part of your power bill but in the states which require independent insurance you had better be sure your health care policy has it covered because it can be eye waveringly expensive. Other catch 22 is that if you have something that is elective and you are expected to go home to get it fixed, once you are no longer resident in UK you will have to pay for it there too. No matter if you are a citizen - you have to actually be resident in UK for treatment.

Can you take a career break? The advice is always to wait until you have the visa in your hot clammy little hands. It's only a temporary visa so be sure you have something to go back to.

Most people actually get cover for the ancillaries like dental and optical but cut down on the hospital cover - like you probably won't want joint replacement so you can opt out of that, if you're not going to have more kids you can opt out of maternity. You can go for more of an excess payment which will bring premiums down. I'd have thought that was a bit high but it's been a while since I paid it. Your being a temporary resident might also have something to do with the high premiums.

Some conditions that you may think are medically necessary might be considered elective on the schedule. For example you need your gall bladder out - generally that's elective surgery and I saw one person a while ago whose exploratory procedure for possible cancer was considered elective and they had to pay. Ambulance in Victoria can be eye wateringly expensive so get ambulance insurance - usually included with private health cover. You'll pay the same as everyone else for GP, medications, dental, optical etc. The other whammy is that if you get something that is elective and decide to go home to get it fixed the NHS won't fix it free either as you're no longer resident. Private health cover can be expensive but better safe than sorry. Would your employer consider it as part of your package?