bessiedoll Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 i have always considered myself to be an outgoing friendly person, and i have always found it easy to make friends... until i came to Oz... OH MY GOD is is difficult.. for example, i went to a wedding with my partner, he was best man, and for 4 hours i sat on my own and didnt speak to anyone. will this ever get easier.. will i ever make friends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Not if you don't speak to anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bessiedoll Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 it wasnt that i chose not to speak to anyone, but i just find aussies a bit unaproachable.. by the time i had a few drinks and was with my partner, i didnt care who i spoke to.. it was all just a bit intimidating at first.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hels Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 yes it is hard but our friendships we had in the uk rarely happened overnight either which is what i have t keep reminding myself. Ive found the aussies more friendly but with little intrest in actually making friends and the english ive met some have been great and some have been dreadful, it takes a long time to find real genuine people. ive been here a year and i have a couple of good friend and many almost good friends and some people who have taken me for a ride. Main thing is to try and put yourself out there, they genrally wont come to you as it were. Where are you based ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bessiedoll Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 im based about an hour away from sydney.. i have only been here 7 weeks, so i suppose i need to give it time, but i just feel a bit isolated at times.. i think if i hadnt got a job when i did, me and my man would have ripped each other apart spending 24 hours a day together.. i just want someone that i can have conversations with by phone or text, and go out for coffee or lunch with once in a while..just some different company i guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surflen22 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Try http://www.meetup.com/ There are hundreds of groups all over Australia (and the world!) and although it might seem a little contrived, there might be something that interests you. I've been to a couple in Perth and met some lovely people. It might give you a little kickstart...and at least get you out of the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I know exactly what you mean bessie, I think Aussies are a bit cliquey at social gatherings and it can be difficult to break the ice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hels Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 7 weeks! ive been here a year, so id not get to stressed as yet. i try and think of it the other way round, would i strike up an immdeint friendship with someone who had just moved into my country, prob not as id have my own circle of people already. It is very hard but with time you will form bonds with people as time goes along, we just have to be patient i guess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munchkinella Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Is there any groups, clubs you might like to join? Photography, cycling, art class etc. getting together with people with similar interests might help. Just a thought. Jxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bessiedoll Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 i totally agree.. its a nightmare.. although i spoke to people at the end of the night, i was a bit sozzled, so not really the basis of a lasting friendship.. work is exactly the same, bacause i am new and joining an already established team, it is hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 You can't be everones best mate as soon as you get here. Have confidence in yourself and your own likeability and the rest will follow. Don't try to adapt to other people, be yourself and be natural don't force it. It is hard, I agree, hard being the new girl anywhere, worse when everyone else is from a different culture, less commonground. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 i totally agree.. its a nightmare.. although i spoke to people at the end of the night, i was a bit sozzled, so not really the basis of a lasting friendship.. work is exactly the same, bacause i am new and joining an already established team, it is hard don't get disheartened though. It does take time, just believe in yourself, and DON'T get desperate (remind yourself that no company is better than the company of people you don't actually like), Remain true to yourself, if you don't like clubs etc don't bother. I think friendships are a bit like cats, if you act like you don't care about them, they go "prrrr?" and jump on your lap. If you look desperate, they trot away.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bessiedoll Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 Is there any groups, clubs you might like to join? Photography, cycling, art class etc. getting together with people with similar interests might help. Just a thought. Jxxx i have been looking but i cant seem to find any in my area.. i will keep looking though.. i know 7 weeks isnt long, but i just dont want to soend the rest of my life havng no friends.. i would like to start now so i can build up friendships.. im sure i will get there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Ive been in a similar situation, my OH works with an all Aussie workforce, and I went to one of his Colleagues house warming, a few weeks after we had arrived, me and my OH being the only Poms there. You have to make an effort and talk to people. Ive found it easier as Ive got older, probably because Im not so worried about looking foolish anymore. I have found all the Aussie's I have met to be so warm and charming if you put the effort in to get to know them rather than forming little British cliques and sticking to their own. I had a party when we had been here a year and I invited a few of my OH's Aussie friends and their partners and children and also a few of my Brit friends and their partners and do you know what, the Brits stayed on one side of the room and the Aussies the other, I just cant do that, I mingle and I talk. Bessiedoll. are you attractive? sometimes I think especially with younger if a woman is very attractive, men are shy to talk in case their partners think they are coming on to you and women wont talk because they assume if your attractive that you must be a right b*tch. I used to get that problem when I was younger, not now of course :cry::cry:. Another thing I have found, if your in a crowd of Aussies and you mention just how much you love something Australian, they almost faint, I reckon they are far more used to Poms whinging than being nice! Good luck my love Im sure you'll get there, it is early days x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somgirl Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 i have been looking but i cant seem to find any in my area.. i will keep looking though.. i know 7 weeks isnt long, but i just dont want to soend the rest of my life havng no friends.. i would like to start now so i can build up friendships.. im sure i will get there Hiya 7 weeks in is still early days. I've been here since last September, and like you consider myself to be outgoing, and will usually start a conversation with anybody. I have only recently started meeting with other people regularly, and my new friends I met through PIO! It was getting to the stage where I was getting looks of sympathy from the people in my local coffee shop, as I was always in there on my own Lol!:laugh:From other posts I have read on here it's not unusual, it just takes time, it will happen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest haunted1234 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Luckily we were involved and invited to a few get togethers via my husbands boss, so i've got to meet some lovely people that way, people who i see on a regular basis for a catch up and a beer, it is intimidating meeting new people, but stick with it and im sure you'll do just fine ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bessiedoll Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 Ive been in a similar situation, my OH works with an all Aussie workforce, and I went to one of his Colleagues house warming, a few weeks after we had arrived, me and my OH being the only Poms there. You have to make an effort and talk to people. Ive found it easier as Ive got older, probably because Im not so worried about looking foolish anymore. I have found all the Aussie's I have met to be so warm and charming if you put the effort in to get to know them rather than forming little British cliques and sticking to their own. I had a party when we had been here a year and I invited a few of my OH's Aussie friends and their partners and children and also a few of my Brit friends and their partners and do you know what, the Brits stayed on one side of the room and the Aussies the other, I just cant do that, I mingle and I talk. Bessiedoll. are you attractive? sometimes I think especially with younger if a woman is very attractive, men are shy to talk in case their partners think they are coming on to you and women wont talk because they assume if your attractive that you must be a right b*tch. I used to get that problem when I was younger, not now of course :cry::cry:. Another thing I have found, if your in a crowd of Aussies and you mention just how much you love something Australian, they almost faint, I reckon they are far more used to Poms whinging than being nice! Good luck my love Im sure you'll get there, it is early days x i may seem a little bit "hardfaced" at times, but that is only when im in a new situation that i am unsure of.. i am alot more intimidated that intimidating.. maybe that could be causing a problem? i also find that i get on alot better with men than women at first, but i would never just approach a man and ask him to be my friend i have told my partner to invite his friends over for a bbq.. maybe then i can get to know their partners and make friends like that.. i will also try and start conversation with our neighbours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Will it change? possibly not but your expectations of what a friendship may be could well change. After 32 years I could count my "friends" on the fingers of one hand - lots of "come and have coffee one day" type acquaintances but very few "friends" like my UK lot. I guess it didnt really bother me other than as an academic exercise because I dont mind my own company but it has been interesting to see just how transient my friendships have been over the years. I have been a little bit surprised that a couple I thought of as "real" friends havent bothered with me since I moved back to UK even though they knew I was doing it tough with our family circs - guess they needed me more than I needed them and when I wasnt there they moved on to someone else! You might get lucky and gel with someone but it is never going to be as easy as when you were forming friendships in times of developmental angst Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 i may seem a little bit "hardfaced" at times, but that is only when im in a new situation that i am unsure of.. i am alot more intimidated that intimidating.. maybe that could be causing a problem? i also find that i get on alot better with men than women at first, but i would never just approach a man and ask him to be my friend i have told my partner to invite his friends over for a bbq.. maybe then i can get to know their partners and make friends like that.. i will also try and start conversation with our neighbours. I think that sound like a great plan, no one would dare ignore the host, so it will be far easier to get into conversation. just dont moan about the sausages :wink: No seriously a fab idea the very best of luck :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bessiedoll Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 Will it change? possibly not but your expectations of what a friendship may be could well change. After 32 years I could count my "friends" on the fingers of one hand - lots of "come and have coffee one day" type acquaintances but very few "friends" like my UK lot. I guess it didnt really bother me other than as an academic exercise because I dont mind my own company but it has been interesting to see just how transient my friendships have been over the years. I have been a little bit surprised that a couple I thought of as "real" friends havent bothered with me since I moved back to UK even though they knew I was doing it tough with our family circs - guess they needed me more than I needed them and when I wasnt there they moved on to someone else! You might get lucky and gel with someone but it is never going to be as easy as when you were forming friendships in times of developmental angst i noticed when i moved here that the friends in UK who cried about me leaving, havent even asked how i am since i left, guess they werent real friends.. i would rather have no friends than fake friends.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I concur with Quoll's observations and remarks with regards to friendship here. Perhaps the single most hardest issue to deal with here.There are fair weathered friends for sure but that sort shouldn't be confused with the term friendship. If anything has probably got worse with time( as my term to be called a friend has evolved) and know people whom meet up with but certainly would not call friends in any true sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorkcath Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 I'm about to move to the Cronulla area for a nursing job. If that's anywhere near you I'd be happy to meet up. I'm just planning on joining sports clubs as soon as I get there to meet people. Hope things get better soon. Cath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest62757 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 I remember being at a very small party (10 people) on the Central Coast. The people there were school friends of my husband. When we arrived one chap came over and said hi to my husband who I was standing next to. I put my hand forward to introduce myself and he walked away. Some of the men were the same but I was able to get on and talk to the women. But a polite chat was what it was. To be honest I also put it down to lack of manners on the men's part. In general I found that some had never moved away from the coast, always had their circle of friends and that was it they were happy and didn't feel the need to add to their circle. We recently moved interstate and I think we've been really lucky and have found everyone really welcoming and I am making some great friends for the first time in 4 years and one is Aussie (open minded) and the other French - who would have thought! (joke) :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Friendships are born over time. They are 10, 20, 30 year friendships that have taken time to grow and nuture. You cant make friendships overnight. Here in Oz, OH didnt make friends easily, I think it made him miss what he had left behind. he had a very small, close knit circle of friends in the UK who stuck together through thick and thin. They were over 20 year friendships. I found it much easier to make friends here. Regarding the other poster (cant recall who said it) who commented that you wont make friends unless you talk to Aussies.......they are dead right. If you feel they are unapproachable and choose not to talk, they will think exactly the same as you and wont bother! Its a circle that you need to break if you want friendships here. Australians will not come and knock on your door an bring you into their circle. You have to get yourself out there and introduce yourself. Sometimes you will fall flat on your face! Says a woman of expereince!! There will be some you get on with and some you dont! You will gradually, and it is very gradual build a group of friends. I have been here over seven years and have a great group of friends that I could call on at any time. My parents have lived here for four years and they have found a great friendship group. They joined a couple of camera clubs and as a result of that and other things......have friends of all ages....some of their friends are the same age as me, their daughter and other friends are in their 70s! It can be done, it needs time, patience and tolerance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish.01 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 My wife has been here 10 years and she has more close friends than me (only 1 english) and I'm Aussie :cry::biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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