Mrs NOT happy in Perth at all!!!

[Guest Londoner786]

Hi,

 

I just dont know what to do. My Mrs. is not that happy in Perth. We are from London and I have been here for 6 months. My wife has just joined me and she is finding it quite difficult. For me to join this site and actually post something here to ask for help suggest my desperation. I am ok with Perth but she is not. She has been here for 2.5 months now. I do agree with her , we are finding it difficult in meeting like minded people. I am originally from the U.S that moved to London many moons ago 'which was for the better me thinks' but I can cope with the issue much better. So initially I have decided to take her away for 2 weeks to a Pacific Island holiday and then when we get back see what we can do. But really I am clutching at straws here , I have no plan at all to make her happy in Perth! I really dont want to go back to London , even at times I do get weak and think hmmmmmm how much I miss London but I think of all the bad weather and horrible rain and cold and cold and cold I try to think of all the bad points and try to make me happy here so I can survive. My Mrs however all she can see and think of is the great stuff we did in London.

Totally helpless and maybe in need of some good friends

 

regards

Fas

[Rupert]

So Pacific Island break sounds lovely, but it won't fix anything. I thought there are possibly a few more things you can tell us that might help with suggestions. For example what visa are you on, is your visa tied to work? Has your wife found work herself yet? Do you have kids? Did your wife enjoy living in London? Which part of London, what did you enjoy doing in London?

 

Friends is a hard one, you can't replace a lifetime of friends in a couple of months, however the forums can be a good way to finding some like minded people. I haven't met anyone in peson yet but many do.

 

Personally, I never fancied Perth, I lived in London for a long time and I can only imagine that it would be quite a culture shock.

[Nats]

Hey Fas,

 

Sorry your having such a rough time just now. We (husband & I) started out in Perth & I remember how difficult those first few months were. I haven't ever wanted to return home, not once, but adjusting was difficult in the beginning. Perth, unlike the other big cities in Oz is very small, slow paced, backwards in someways (something I grew to love & I intend to return) and can be very isolating. My hubby had it hard in the beginning being defacto on my 457. Employers were reluctant to recruit him w/o PR, there were times when he wanted to throw in the towel. Luckily things do/did get better & he's more settled here now than I.

2.5 months is very early days, the 1st year infact is full of ups & downs. We're from Glasgow, landing in Perth from Glasgow was surreal. No 24hr shopping, shops closed on Sunday's, very little choice & everything unfamiliar. I imagine it must be even more of a culture shock landing from London!!

 

What things exactly does she miss doing in London that she can't do in Perth? It really takes time to find out where to buy what & where to go for certain experiences. Building a support network is very important. Before I left Glasgow I wrote down a list of all the things I would & wouldn't miss. Ultimately the things I knew I would miss even before I left was going to be my friends. Nights out, coffee dates, spa days. Stuff that I enjoy with friends, having someone nearby, at the end of the phone, someone that I could see regularly. It's important to maintain a social life, it can't just be hubby & I all the time. With that in mind I made it my first priority to meet people. I knew if I didn't I would become bored very quickly. PIO is a great way of meeting new people, work functions etc. there are loads of expat websites that are full of people looking for friends. Sounds corny, but everyone is in the same boat. You won't like everyone you meet, that's life. But once you do you find more friends through friends. And you'll be surprised how important these friendships become, afterall, we all left the UK for same reasons it's unsurprising how much we have in common with others. Check out the socialising/get together threads. If she's not working this makes it even tougher & perhaps something part-time would be a good distraction & be good to interact with others. I presume there are no kids involved? You didn't say. If there are & she can't work, play dates & play groups are another way of meeting parents.

 

Hope things get better for you both soon

[calNgary]

It sounds like your really stuck with you wanting to be in one place and your wife another. Something my hubby said to me a few years ago not long after we had arrived and i was moaning about my lack of friends was - How long did the friendships you are missing take to build? How long had you known these people before you could truely call them a good friend? In my case it was at least 6 months.

 

Migrating is tough, you arrive in an alien country knowing no-one and nothing and for some reason alot of us put these pressures on ourselves to be up and running and pick up where we left off within weeks. Its not going to happen, building a new life in a new country takes time, in my case it was coming up to a year before i had a couple of reliable decent friends, could drive around without worrying about getting lost, know which shops to go to for certain things etc etc.

 

I do hope you can have a relaxing break and a good chat about the probems / feelings you are both having at the moment. I really hope you can come to some agreement where you are both happy regardless of the country that may be in.

 

Cal x

[Quoll]

With all due respects you can't make her happy anywhere - she'll either be happy off her own bat or she won't. I can imagine that someone used to London would go stir crazy in Perth (perhaps anywhere in Australia, who knows) and there may be nothing she can do about that or she might find something that resonates with her but don't underestimate the power of situational depression, sadly, it is a very real condition and solved only by removal from the situation. Compromise is going to be key, here and then making a decision about which will be your least worst option which you can both live with. Good luck!

[newjez]

Give her an escape route - even book the tickets - maybe eight months down the track. As they say, if you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it's yours. Then try everything you can to make it work, and if you can't, then admit defeat and leave back to London, or separate, or go somewhere else. All you can do is try.

 

With all due respects you can't make her happy anywhere - she'll either be happy off her own bat or she won't. I can imagine that someone used to London would go stir crazy in Perth (perhaps anywhere in Australia, who knows) and there may be nothing she can do about that or she might find something that resonates with her but don't underestimate the power of situational depression, sadly, it is a very real condition and solved only by removal from the situation. Compromise is going to be key, here and then making a decision about which will be your least worst option which you can both live with. Good luck!

[Guest Londoner786]

Hi Rupert,

Sorry should have given more details. My mind was a bit full with work and my worry about her. She is from Manchester but she moved to London. I am originally from the U.S but hey dont hold that aganist me but I moved to London many many years ago and that really became my home. We lived in East London Canary Wharf, it reminded me or New York abit so choose to live there. But fell in love with London. I was in the Investment banking industry then went into Oil and Gas consulting. Mrs was working for BHP as soon as got here and she has found the work professionalism abit hard also. She finishes up this Friday and she is quite upset about it, especially the way they said your last day is Friday!!! Not very nice it was a political decision to save someones perm job and as she was a contractor she had to go. Don't know they were mostly Aussies there and used to take the piss out of her being British but she gave it back to them also. I am on a 457 visa so am tied to a Consulting firm for the time being and she is sponsered through me. I am going to apply for PR early next year.

 

We loved London because of hmmmmmmmmmm just London if you know what I mean. I could actually touch a piece of a building and know it was hundreds of years old , culture , sport, people, the feel good factor. The food like Jamie olivers restraunts , the night clubs like Vendome and nice places where its just good to listen to good music and dance the night away without issues. The places we could drive to the country. Lake district etc .

 

I have tried so hard to get her in cycling and fitness but she did it a few days with me then she just gave it up. I end up doing all the fitness stuff myself and damn has gotten very fit and seeing her let go upsets me ,

I don't particularly love or even like Perth but I turn my mind off to it and just get on with it. Yes there are days I sign and huff and puff but then I just try to see the better of things , I know its hard in Perth!!!

Hope this gives a bit more detail to our lavish lifestyle in Perth LOL!!!

[Guest Londoner786]

Thanks Nat for your kind email. I am just a concern hubby and for me to be sitting on this website pouring my heart out to total strangers is the desperation in my soul at the moment.

No we have no children and that was another thing . . . I had to get a visitor insurance through BUPA , whiech obviously does not cover us for children. We have to wait 1 year until the new insurance kicks in so children hospital etc can be paid for! Not like the good of NHS , no matter how much I hated it and used to rubbish it!

You are from Glasgow our first 'fire works date' was in Glasgow , I was the main person who sold Gatwick airport to the Americans LOL! So I was in the process of sorting up some work for Glasgow airport BAA, and she travelled up to Glasgow for the first time to meet up with me. I have fond memories of Glasgow. People were sooooooooooooooooo friendly and we could talk to anyone and they warmed to us so quickly.

I see that you are in Brisbane , we are flying to Brisbane on Saturday to fly to the South Pacific Islands. I do feel abit funny being on a site and looking for friends , did the online dating thing and boy that turned out quite interesting !!! But friends might be a safer bet maybe?

My Mrs parents keep asking how is Perth you enjoying yourselfs , must be great , all that sunshine and beach. We keep smiling and saying yep Love it , its great , i am getting more and more browner and crispier.

I do enjoy cycling and have joined a group to go cycling with. I did get her a job right away as soon as she came but she finishes up on Friday and we fly out for 2.5 weeks now. Just increased another 4 nights for her. Am trying to be extra romantic and helpful ,hey I even started cooking and picking my clothes off the floor

 

Whenever we think of going out our hearts sump..... hmmmmm where ? what ? Northbridge in the city?? hmmmm no maybe Burswood hmmmm I guess, Subiaco .... yep whatever then we eat at home !

I wish there was a way to snap her out of it and abit of snapping for me too actually !

 

Keep in touch send us a PM , and we will send our emails.

Regards

Faisal

[VERYSTORMY]

I think you have to turn the problem on it's head and figure out why you came here. Maybe she is forgetting the reasons you looked at coming. Se must have wanted to come once so maybe try to figure out what that was and focus on that.

 

The good thing should be with the weather coming in to summer, it should make her happier.

 

But, you do need to be prepared for the possibility that Oz simply isn't for her. It isn't for everybody. We were discussing this today as we would love my wifes brother and family to come out here as we miss them a lot. We know that his wife would love Perth, but he is a real London guy - was a dj and now owner of a well known restaurant in central London and he would hate it. So it just wouldn't be a good idea. He would be bored out of his mind in a month.

[VERYSTORMY]

If you want some ideas for some of the better places to eat in Perth and I can offer a few tips

[Guest Londoner786]

Hi CalNgary,

 

I have been here about 6 months and with work I have still not really made any good friends yet. Primarily becuase I havent been really looking but as soon as she arrived I felt like oh boy who is going to talk to ? So I tried my work people and we went out with a few Aussies , nice people but different outlook. I didnt notice the different at first but then it started becoming abit aparent. I generally mix with most people but she really wants a girle circle I guess where they can have fun , go out , shop , do what the girls in London do ! basically be with like minded people , it might help for me too actually.

We have been married for 2 years now. Been seperated due to my consulting work for 11 months as I was in New York then came to Perth so really been together for 1 year. Its going to be uphill I know but just trying to make it better for her , I know I can probably cope because I think I am just a machine sometimes with no heart but she is a lovely person and sometime she actually makes me into a human again!

Funny enough since we were seperated I have not written any peotry at all. I used to write alot and quite few got published in the New York poetry socitey, then when in London I wrote abit also when we visited the Lake district. I wrote a piece of my own peotry and presented it at dinner in the OXO tower in London on a plate with lovely Cheese cake. It was amazing everyone wanted to hear it , I had never read it out in public but after reading it there was a guy from the London scene magazine who wanted to publish it. Anyways was an amazing night , its just that I think she misses it all.

Regards

Fas

[Guest Londoner786]

HI Quoll,

 

I am so suprised to get so many messags, I am quite glad that people understand what I (we) are going through. I hear ya Quoll. I am trying to compromise but I dont want to move back to london I have to get on and do my best here in Perth. I am trying to compromise on everything else , everything

Regards

Fas

[Guest Londoner786]

Hi NewJez,

 

I know she will stay in Perth with me and she will still smile but I can see that smile as a holly emty tube station with cobwebs everywhere. She knows I am trying to make it in Perth and trying to make it for us and our future and eventually our children. But I see her with this holly smile and it hurts me and I am trying to do as much as I can , She knows I will not be happy if we leave . Its a catch 22 . . . If I leave to London I am not happy because I need to get things done here and as she has left London she is not happy. Lets see what happens after the holiday

Regards

Fas

[Guest Londoner786]

Hi VeryStormy,

 

I am from New York originally and I got really bored when I got here to Perth but I just pick up the pieces and make the best of it or try to. She is lovely and I think if she gets her girlie circle she will be fine. We both made the decision to come to Oz and it was about the big things , like money , house , lifestyle change , sun , sand, etc etc but friends she didnt think about , loneliness she didnt think about and its those small things that are creeping up. But I am determined to atleast try so her friends circle is complete or atleast half way there. I think it might be the lack of like minded people .... me thinks (trying to be optimistic as usual)

regards

Fas

[VERYSTORMY]

What sort of thing does she like to do? My wife is very into the arts, so if she would like someone to go round a few galleries with and grab lunch, then give me a shout.

 

I do think you have to learn to see past Perth's failings and see positives. I was worried about my wife before we came as I thought she would find the city a bit small. And we were moving to sydney then! She is from Lima originally which even makes London look a bit small. So when, 6 month later we were moving to Perth, she was dreading it. But, now, 4 odd years in, she likes it more than me lol. But, she has come to change herself to the extent that if we did move back, it would be to a village somewhere. I have just applied for a job in London and so would consider Kent.

[Guest Londoner786]

If you want some ideas for some of the better places to eat in Perth and I can offer a few tips

 

VeryStormy, yes would love some ideas for better places to eat. So far we have tried a few places in Northbrige and within the CBD area as this is where we live and also tried Subiaco and abit of Freemantle (Cappicino strip) I have not tried the fist and chips place in Freemantle I hear so much about though . . .

[Guest Londoner786]

What sort of thing does she like to do? My wife is very into the arts, so if she would like someone to go round a few galleries with and grab lunch, then give me a shout.

 

 

Sure VeryStormy, she likes fine art, she likes concerts, eating out, shopping, coffees , people to talk to . . . not just me. I mean I can try to be a shoulder to cry on and be all I can be but its something I cannot do. I hate going to see girle movies , I love my blockbuster hollywood action guy flicks and do my boys night out things so yep a group of friends is what will probably make her happier so yes I welcome it

 

regards

Fas

[VERYSTORMY]

My favorite restaurant in Perth is Amuse. Excellent and must be done with the wine selection. Great fun. It's a bit like The Fat Duck. Not as good, but still very good.

Then there are the places in Burswood. Nobu would be first choice. It's similar to the London one but I actually prefer it here. Then Rockpool.

We are off to Loose Box next month which I haven't been to before but heard very good things. You realistically need to stay there but they offer there own accommodation as a package.

Friends is ok. I am not such a fan, but many are.

The new Print Hall is good and on a summers night with a roof top bar will be great fun

The Greenhouse, a bit old hat now, but Matt Stone is still one Australia's best regarded chefs and the food is always good and it has a great roof top cocktail bar

Jamie Oliver is opening in the new year which should be interesting.

 

I will speak to my wife and get her to pm you her contact details.

[Dublin4]

I went to Perth once, awful place, I feel for your wife! Here is what you need to do!

 

Get a grip, and stop being selfish. If your old lady doesn't like Perth, take her back to London. If you dont like London, find somewhere you both like! Not Perth though, that is for the desperate.

[Guest Londoner786]

Hi Dublin4,

 

I would'nt call Perth an awful place , its difficult and a bit weired and small. Maybe the issue is my mrs is a young lady not old she is only 30, I am 37 so we are maybe finding it difficult to do some young stuff. But it certainly is not a place for the desperate , I mean I can call parts of New York desperate like the ghettos but people live there and make the best of it.

I dont think the answer is to just fly away becuase you dont like some place , one has to give it the realistic time and try and try. Once you have totally failed than you can think of other options.

Thats me thinking out aloud really. . .

[Guest SandP]

Hi Dublin4,

 

I would'nt call Perth an awful place , its difficult and a bit weired and small. Maybe the issue is my mrs is a young lady not old she is only 30, I am 37 so we are maybe finding it difficult to do some young stuff. But it certainly is not a place for the desperate , I mean I can call parts of New York desperate like the ghettos but people live there and make the best of it.

I dont think the answer is to just fly away becuase you dont like some place , one has to give it the realistic time and try and try. Once you have totally failed than you can think of other options.

Thats me thinking out aloud really. . .

 

 

Fas

 

I agree with you and as hard as it is for your wife (and believe me I understand the missing the girlie circle) you do need to give it time. We moved to Canberra (yes Canberra the place everyone slates but we have come to love) where we knew nobody 20 months ago. I am not usually one to push myself forward meeting new people but here I had to and it has paid off. I now have a circle of friends I can call on and who support me and to be honest they are mostly Aussies.

 

It is vital to remember that it is different and you/she will need to adapt a bit. Please encourage her to give it time and go back over the reasons you as a couple wanted to come here. You are obviously a strong couple as you have survived 11 months apart which would could even be attributing to the difficulties as you have to get used to living together again.

 

I hope you have a good break, rediscovering each others and your common goals and approach 2013 with happier hearts - sorry that sounds really gushy!!

[Bibbs]

Kinda skim read, but what ages are you? Where are you living in Perth?

 

There are some awesome places in Perth, but you do have to dig about.

[flag of convenience]

Perth is more a suburban lifestyle and not city. There is no comparrison with London in any shape or form. One must be willing and wanting to move away from a place like that to settle in a place like Perth to even begin to make it work.

 

I lived in London for the best part of twenty years and found Perth very wanting, but recall finding Canary Wharf an awful stirile place at the time. I was there when it was being built. Still London can be hard to get out of the system for me mostly the diversity on hand, nowhere in OZ will come even close to that and Perth I'm afraid is well behind.

 

Perth requires a whole different way of thinking and may well be only a short term solution. Perhaps once you've got PR if still feel the same check out Melbourne and Sydney.While way removed from London, somewhat more intense than Perth.Your partner is perhaps too young for Perth.....without kids it can be hard here......I guess time makes it a little more normal. Saying that I expect to bail out within two years. Good Luck....

[Guest Londoner786]

Kinda skim read, but what ages are you? Where are you living in Perth?

 

There are some awesome places in Perth, but you do have to dig about.

 

Hi Bibbs,

Mrs is 30 , I am 37, we live in the CBD overlooking the river swan. Its a nice enough place and close to work so walking distance to various shops and work made it conveinient really.

Let me know of some nice places , any help in mind let me know

[Guest Londoner786]

Perth is more a suburban lifestyle and not city. There is no comparrison with London in any shape or form. One must be willing and wanting to move away from a place like that to settle in a place like Perth to even begin to make it work.

 

I lived in London for the best part of twenty years and found Perth very wanting, but recall finding Canary Wharf an awful stirile place at the time. I was there when it was being built. Still London can be hard to get out of the system for me mostly the diversity on hand, nowhere in OZ will come even close to that and Perth I'm afraid is well behind.

 

Perth requires a whole different way of thinking and may well be only a short term solution. Perhaps once you've got PR if still feel the same check out Melbourne and Sydney.While way removed from London, somewhat more intense than Perth.Your partner is perhaps too young for Perth.....without kids it can be hard here......I guess time makes it a little more normal. Saying that I expect to bail out within two years. Good Luck....

 

HI Flags ,

 

Agree to the suburban site. . . even in the city CBD it feels not like a true city. I must say Canary Wharf originally was a derilic place before the American money came in with the big banks to set up the whole site. It now feels nice, it feels like a mini NyC. The surrounding areas are also nice now. We visited Sydney and Melbourne , coffee was much better in Melbourne but the city life seemed good in Sydney. Lets see what happens after PR but Perth for now. Where are you bailing to in 2 years?