Blue Flu Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 9 minutes ago, Toots said: I haven't found it challenging to make friends in Australia. However, I read on this forum how a lot of folk find it to be so. Don't find it any different to the UK or other places I've lived in. I do but the issue has been dealt with on previous occasions. Just add many Australians tend not to be conversationalists compared to others that I can think off. But we will all have our own conclusions on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bulya Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 4 hours ago, Toots said: I haven't found it challenging to make friends in Australia. However, I read on this forum how a lot of folk find it to be so. Don't find it any different to the UK or other places I've lived in. Neither did I but then I’m not your average pommy bastard! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 8 hours ago, Blue Flu said: I do but the issue has been dealt with on previous occasions. Just add many Australians tend not to be conversationalists compared to others that I can think off. But we will all have our own conclusions on that. I find they never shut up, totally the opposite. Depends what circles you move in I suppose. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 14 hours ago, starlight7 said: I find they never shut up, totally the opposite. Depends what circles you move in I suppose. When I get together with friends we can talk about many subjects for hours. When I was staying with one of my closest friends down in the south west of Tassie we were up 'til well after midnight every night yakking. Some days I don't see my friends at all then when we meet up it's a big catch up of news and fixing the world's problems. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bulya Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 2 hours ago, Toots said: When I get together with friends we can talk about many subjects for hours. When I was staying with one of my closest friends down in the south west of Tassie we were up 'til well after midnight every night yakking. Some days I don't see my friends at all then when we meet up it's a big catch up of news and fixing the world's problems. Agree. If one can’t find a worthwhile conversation here they’re simply not trying, or locked up in solitary.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyBlue Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 This is the first time I have posted so hopefully I am in the right spot here! I just need to say how much your stories all resonate with me and how I have been in a constant quandary for the last decade at least as to whether to move back. I would really appreciate your thoughts. No-one can truly understand the soul crushing predicament and homesickness that can find yourself in as an ex-pat. Particularly when you are married to an Aussie! I will say that I like Australia, but something has always been missing. I go home regularly and from the minute I land at Heathrow I feel such a deep sense of belonging. When I look at recent holiday snaps of me back in England, I can see true happiness written all over my face. I feel whole. I have wrangled with dibiltating homesickness for probably 14 of my 18 years away and had I had not got married I have no doubt I would have returned back to England long ago. My back story is I have been living, for that time, in Melbourne and NZ and am married to a proud Aussie and we have a surf & sun loving 8 year old daughter. That makes things very complicated. From 2004 I spent 6 years in Melbourne before we headed to Christchurch, NZ with work in 2010. It was truly amazing to be in NZ and I felt 'at home' for the first time in ages. Sadly we left in 2011 due to the Christchurch earthquake. I was devastated to then be moving back to Melbourne due to hubbie's work. Just devastated. Back in Melbourne and unhappy, I didn't think the UK was even a remote possibility back then and my DH had no desire to live there. So I yearned for the next best thing. To be back in Christchurch, NZ which is oh so very English. An opportunity came up and we moved back in 2019. I absolutely loved it. Our daughter started a gorgeous school and I was in love with kiwi life. The seasons, the birds, the weather. It all felt so familiar and I felt at peace..But again things came crashing down when we both lost our businesses to Covid. So again we returned to South West Victoria in 2019 where my DH's family are based. It is a beautiful part of the Australia and one where I have felt more at home than anywhere in Australia but my husband is not happy!!! He wants more to do and has a fractured relationship with his fairly painful family and would move back to Melbourne in a flash. Me never. We have been at a loss as to what to do and if we should move and so for the last 6 months we have been talking about a fresh start up in Queensland where we could settle down. The idea gathered so much momentum that, roll forward to this week, we are up here on the Sunshine Coast looking at houses and schools. We nearly bought a house this week, but all of a sudden I have realised with a screech that this is so far removed from what I want that I have pulled the pin. Amazing school and life for our daughter now down the toilet and I feel AWFUL. Absolutely awful I have let the family down. I had a stark realization, again, that all I really want is to be back in England with my family, friends and aging parents. What it has done, however, is bring up the conversation of England again and my husband, for the first time in forever, seems totally onboard and dare I say, excited. I am so worried though after all this time, that it is almost like meeting your idol you thought you would never meet. Is it going to live upto my years of want? Ah help!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip1 Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 (edited) 15 minutes ago, FairyBlue said: This is the first time I have posted so hopefully I am in the right spot here! I just need to say how much your stories all resonate with me and how I have been in a constant quandary for the last decade at least as to whether to move back. I would really appreciate your thoughts. No-one can truly understand the soul crushing predicament and homesickness that can find yourself in as an ex-pat. Particularly when you are married to an Aussie! I will say that I like Australia, but something has always been missing. I go home regularly and from the minute I land at Heathrow I feel such a deep sense of belonging. When I look at recent holiday snaps of me back in England, I can see true happiness written all over my face. I feel whole. I have wrangled with dibiltating homesickness for probably 14 of my 18 years away and had I had not got married I have no doubt I would have returned back to England long ago. My back story is I have been living, for that time, in Melbourne and NZ and am married to a proud Aussie and we have a surf & sun loving 8 year old daughter. That makes things very complicated. From 2004 I spent 6 years in Melbourne before we headed to Christchurch, NZ with work in 2010. It was truly amazing to be in NZ and I felt 'at home' for the first time in ages. Sadly we left in 2011 due to the Christchurch earthquake. I was devastated to then be moving back to Melbourne due to hubbie's work. Just devastated. Back in Melbourne and unhappy, I didn't think the UK was even a remote possibility back then and my DH had no desire to live there. So I yearned for the next best thing. To be back in Christchurch, NZ which is oh so very English. An opportunity came up and we moved back in 2019. I absolutely loved it. Our daughter started a gorgeous school and I was in love with kiwi life. The seasons, the birds, the weather. It all felt so familiar and I felt at peace..But again things came crashing down when we both lost our businesses to Covid. So again we returned to South West Victoria in 2019 where my DH's family are based. It is a beautiful part of the Australia and one where I have felt more at home than anywhere in Australia but my husband is not happy!!! He wants more to do and has a fractured relationship with his fairly painful family and would move back to Melbourne in a flash. Me never. We have been at a loss as to what to do and if we should move and so for the last 6 months we have been talking about a fresh start up in Queensland where we could settle down. The idea gathered so much momentum that, roll forward to this week, we are up here on the Sunshine Coast looking at houses and schools. We nearly bought a house this week, but all of a sudden I have realised with a screech that this is so far removed from what I want that I have pulled the pin. Amazing school and life for our daughter now down the toilet and I feel AWFUL. Absolutely awful I have let the family down. I had a stark realization, again, that all I really want is to be back in England with my family, friends and aging parents. What it has done, however, is bring up the conversation of England again and my husband, for the first time in forever, seems totally onboard and dare I say, excited. I am so worried though after all this time, that it is almost like meeting your idol you thought you would never meet. Is it going to live upto my years of want? Ah help!! Only time will tell and nothing has to be forever. It sounds like you have a very supportive and understanding husband. With him onboard, you have a good chance of an exciting new future together. Good luck. Edited January 29, 2022 by Tulip1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 22 minutes ago, FairyBlue said: Absolutely awful I have let the family down. No,you haven't let the family down. You have already spent years sacrificing your happiness for the sake of your husband (NOT for your daughter, note, she would be happy wherever her mum is) and you almost went a step too far. Lucky you realised in time. It sounds as though you have two problems. One is that you yearn for England and he loves Australia, but the other is that you're more of a small-town girl and he's a city boy. That would worry me in your move to England - where would you settle? Have you thought about Tasmania? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 1 hour ago, Marisawright said: Have you thought about Tasmania? The biggest problem about moving to Tasmania is the lack of employment. Hope you find your happy place @FairyBlue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 9 minutes ago, Toots said: The biggest problem about moving to Tasmania is the lack of employment. That is true. Also if the husband needs a city vibe, I can't imagine him being happy anywhere but Hobart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 Can you even move to England without jobs lined up? I assume your hubby is not a British citizen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyBlue Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 Thank you everyone. Where to move to is absolutely integral to our decision. We have settled on Frome as I am an artist and I think that area is pretty vibrant and hubby loves the look of it too. It is also close to Bath and Bristol which I know hubby would love. It is slap bang on the middle of family in Malvern and Winchester. We would get the spousal visa where you have to show funds as we have just sold our house. That's the idea.. in theory. Tassie I would love. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 (edited) 35 minutes ago, FairyBlue said: Thank you everyone. Where to move to is absolutely integral to our decision. We have settled on Frome as I am an artist and I think that area is pretty vibrant and hubby loves the look of it too. It is also close to Bath and Bristol which I know hubby would love. It is slap bang on the middle of family in Malvern and Winchester. We would get the spousal visa where you have to show funds as we have just sold our house. That's the idea.. in theory. Tassie I would love. I still think you may need to show salary of £18600 a year so will need to sort out employment first. Also depending on your ages, your husband may find himself unable to claim any Australian aged pension or UK pension when he retires. Edited January 29, 2022 by Parley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 50 minutes ago, Parley said: I still think you may need to show salary of £18600 a year Definitely not, it’s either adequate savings OR have a job, you don’t need both Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyBlue Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 (edited) Thank you. Yes that's what we found. The savings negate the need to secure the £18k job. The idea being is that you are almost 'sponsoring yourself'. Oh boy. So much to think about. International relationships are very complex. A little bit like a tug of war but as you said @Marisawrightwe are also trying to navigate the village life for me and city for hubbie. My absolute dread is to uproot back to the UK and he loves it for a while then wants to come back here after a few years. We need stability for our 8 year old and I would put that ahead of everything going forward. Edited January 30, 2022 by FairyBlue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyBlue Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Thank you @tulip1. Yes I do have a very supportive husband - my family call him a Saint! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug family Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Just wanted to give a bit of moral support @FairyBlue, You are in a really good position, both financially and having the support and backing of your husband and family, I think that you should embrace the new adventure and see what this next chapter of your life in the UK brings you I am also returning to the UK this year (hopefully just got to pass an interview at the end of Feb) I am unfortunately on the other side of the coin to you so to speak, both financially and support wise, I will be going home alone (I have two children) ......long story, I won't bore you, but I am determined to make it work your feet will touch the ground back home you will have the biggest smile on your face...... Good luck 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 1 hour ago, FairyBlue said: . We need stability for our 8 year old and I would put that ahead of everything going forward. Do you really? I agree that once she's 13 or 14, she'll need stability, both for her education and the chance to make lasting friends. Until then, you and her Dad are enough of an anchor, and she's at a stage of her education where it will not make a huge difference. Of course, she may feel disrupted and she may complain, but she will cope, and in fact she'll be richer for the experience of living in different places. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Marisawright said: Do you really? I agree that once she's 13 or 14, she'll need stability, both for her education and the chance to make lasting friends. Until then, you and her Dad are enough of an anchor, and she's at a stage of her education where it will not make a huge difference. Of course, she may feel disrupted and she may complain, but she will cope, and in fact she'll be richer for the experience of living in different places. Just I hope a bit of reassurance that children adapt. I went to 5 different primary schools and in different countries before I was ten, and hope no one contradicts me , turned out alright? Married someone in the RAF and all 3 of our children coped with moving both Primary and in my daughter’s case senior schools. I agree with Marisa it is harder for teenagers, it’s not ideal, but if you have no option, then they have to cope, and their education can be sorted out. Our children and our expatriate friends children have all turned out alright. Edited January 30, 2022 by ramot 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 I agree with the others, time to settle down when she's about 13/14 but until then you are free to have adventures. You're not going to know if UK is going to meet your needs until you try it really and what you have at the moment is broken enough to warrant repairing. Frome is a nice enough little place and close enough to Bristol for your DH to get his city fix. Your daughter will probably find other entertainments and passions to replace the sun and surf but you won't be too far from Bournemouth if push comes to shove (or Weston Super Mare if you are really desperate) Like you I felt like I was "home" every time I touched down at Heathrow. We lived in UK 2011-2020 and I can honestly say that feeling never went away and I barely gave Australia a thought. My husband who once said that he was never going to live in UK again and would be depressed if he had to, actually found himself enjoying it. He threw himself into British history and enjoyed our trips around the country. If we could have afforded it we might have stayed there. Have you got your citizenship? Always wise to get it just in case and the converse will be true for your DH if he can achieve his British citizenship. BTW I assume you have checked his ancestry to see whether he might get an Ancestry visa? Much easier all round if he has a UK born grandparent. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyBlue Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate your understanding and thoughts. Yes I am an Aussie so it does make it easier. I think you are all so right. We won't know if we don't try and to be honest this is the best window timing wise and to have hubbie on board is somewhat of a miracle. I see my parents aging and was so shocked to see them Nov just gone when I flew back to surprise them which was an amazing trip in everyway. They need us home and I would love for our daughter to reconnect with her lovely English grandparents rather than, well, my husband's infighting family. It is hard to be around and I just would love some of my side to gave a big influence on her too. I think you are right. Moving at a young age to experience different adventures offers so much more enrichment than staying put. Thank you for helping me see this more clearly. That is wonderful. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 2 hours ago, Quoll said: I agree with the others, time to settle down when she's about 13/14 but until then you are free to have adventures. You're not going to know if UK is going to meet your needs until you try it really and what you have at the moment is broken enough to warrant repairing. Frome is a nice enough little place and close enough to Bristol for your DH to get his city fix. Your daughter will probably find other entertainments and passions to replace the sun and surf but you won't be too far from Bournemouth if push comes to shove (or Weston Super Mare if you are really desperate) Like you I felt like I was "home" every time I touched down at Heathrow. We lived in UK 2011-2020 and I can honestly say that feeling never went away and I barely gave Australia a thought. My husband who once said that he was never going to live in UK again and would be depressed if he had to, actually found himself enjoying it. He threw himself into British history and enjoyed our trips around the country. If we could have afforded it we might have stayed there. Have you got your citizenship? Always wise to get it just in case and the converse will be true for your DH if he can achieve his British citizenship. BTW I assume you have checked his ancestry to see whether he might get an Ancestry visa? Much easier all round if he has a UK born grandparent. Bournemouth vs Weston Super Mare? I believe the Australian phrase is Hobson's choice. If you want sun and surf the closest to Frome is found in the Algarve or the Canaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 1 hour ago, Ken said: Bournemouth vs Weston Super Mare? I believe the Australian phrase is Hobson's choice. If you want sun and surf the closest to Frome is found in the Algarve or the Canaries. LOL an 8 year old will probably be quite happy with either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 6 hours ago, ramot said: Just I hope a bit of reassurance that children adapt. I went to 5 different primary schools and in different countries before I was ten, and hope no one contradicts me , turned out alright? Married someone in the RAF and all 3 of our children coped with moving both Primary and in my daughter’s case senior schools. I agree with Marisa it is harder for teenagers, it’s not ideal, but if you have no option, then they have to cope, and their education can be sorted out. Our children and our expatriate friends children have all turned out alright. My daughter says the amount of schools she attended did affect her negatively. She's 25 this year and attended 3 different primary schools and 2 high schools. Depends.on the child and external factors as to how they cope. I know I assumed.she was more resilient than she actually was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lavers Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 5 minutes ago, HappyHeart said: My daughter says the amount of schools she attended did affect her negatively. She's 25 this year and attended 3 different primary schools and 2 high schools. Depends.on the child and external factors as to how they cope. I know I assumed.she was more resilient than she actually was. Can be tricky moving around schools for some kids, I attended the same amount as your daughter and was always good being the new boy in school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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