Moving back to the UK or Dubai with 13 yr old

[Vana]

Hey!

 

just wondering if there are any people out there who have either moved back to the Uk with their Australian born children or gone to Dubai?

we have been here in Melbourne for 14 years and our youngest daughter who is almost 13 was born here and very much the Aussie kid. Our two eldest returned to the UK, one for uni and the other because she rekindled her romance with her childhood sweetheart and getting married next year.

its always played heavily on my mind and in my heart that we are a split family and our youngest doesn’t really have strong family connections, her friends are everything to her and she has ALOT of them, all over Melbourne thanks to social media and friends of friends.  I personally hate this, as it’s just too much, but she is very popular and has great fun with her mates.

when we moved to Aus 14 years ago our eldest daughter was 15 and it was absolutely awful taking her away from her friends, I think I am actually traumatised by what we went through and so this scares me for our youngest, especially given the fact there is now TikTok, snap etc etc which makes it extra hard to switch off from your life and friends that you would be leaving behind.

The reason we are having to make this decision is because our business has suddenly exploded across the Middle East and back in the UK which means whilst things tick a long here in Aus, my husband doesn’t need to be here line before, he is needed over there, hence why we are trying to decide what is the best thing to do.

We have a home in the UK so that’s easy to go back to, but if we were to go to Dubai, then that would be a complete new start for the three of us, something I’m not sure I can face, given I’m now 50, but have heard it’s amazing to live there and would mean we are between here and the UK, so easier for me to get home and see our other two children, but like I said, my main concern is our youngest daughter, she really doesn’t want to leave and I feel like I’m going mad with my indecisiveness! Currently my husband is traveling a lot and away in Dubai or back at home in the UK and our youngest is a weekly boarder here in Melbourne, which means I am on my own a lot of the time and as I write this I am seriously wondering what the …. am I doing?!!

Any advice from someone who has moved with their teenage children would be wonderful!

 

[Ausvisitor]

I can't give you any advice on the moving from AUS. What I can say is that at the age your other kids are they are adults and being closer won't necessarily mean seeing them anymore.

For your 13 year old, this is probably the worst time (at least for a popular 13 yr old girl) to pry them from their friends. 

Unless you can afford private school in Dubai I wouldn't take my kids there and I certainly wouldn't take a "western teenage girl" (ok I know that AUS isn't strictly western but you get my drift) to a state school in Dubai the culture shock of being "not a male, so therefore not important" will be too much.

Maybe suck it up for a few more years, get her through school and then decide where you and hubbie want to spend your empty next years

[Vana]

Thanks for your thoughts …. Dubai is extremely safe and has a lot of British/intl curriculum “private” schools which is what our daughter would attend should we decide in this option. It’s more doing it at this age. Its an age where I feel possibly our last chance but that said, social media has made things very difficult for kids to be able to switch off from their lives and why I was wondering if anyone has done a move at this age.

[Cheery Thistle]

Hi, this is tricky. How big is the age gap between the siblings? 
The 3 locations are pretty different and have different advantages and drawbacks…..have you mooted the idea to your daughter to get her input at all? 
Of the 3 locations Dubai would probably be my least preferred option but everyone is different and we don’t know you. And I am no fan of the UK let me tell you! 
I kind of think you’d be better trying to see out your youngest child’s education in Aus if you can, then see what you think? Is that a possibility? Or would DD be able to board on a more full time basis at school and you and hubby live in Dubai until she finishes school? I couldn’t conceive of that for my child but my circumstances are completely different to yours and she already boards most of the week away anyway? 

[Tulip1]

If you don’t go now you will very likely have a split family for life.  If you stay in Australia until your youngest has finished school the chances of you being able to convince her to move will be very low.  So, you’ll either be moving and leaving her there or you’ll feel stuck there.  If you move her now she still may well return to Australia as soon as she can but you stand a chance of her settling and not doing so.  I would take the ‘it’s harder now with social media’ out of the decision. Yes it is but you must decide on what’s best for your family and social media shouldn’t play a part in that.  It’s just an extra nuisance in the way but you can’t not move because your daughter likes Snapchat etc.  I have a long standing friend who has lived in Dubai for many years.  The family like the lifestyle in general but both her kids (now young adults) live in the UK.  So, a child might be happy in Dubai but will they remain there as an adult? The UK is your safest bet if keeping family near is your goal. I don’t envy you but make a decision and stay strong over it regardless of the teenage meltdowns that will likely come.  Good luck. 

[Marisawright]

20 hours ago, Vana said:

we have been here in Melbourne for 14 years and our youngest daughter who is almost 13 was born here and very much the Aussie kid. Our two eldest returned to the UK, one for uni and the other because she rekindled her romance with her childhood sweetheart and getting married next year.

its always played heavily on my mind and in my heart that we are a split family and our youngest doesn’t really have strong family connections

I agree with Tulip, if you let the youngest stay in Australia now, you'll have a split family for the rest of your life.   I think you have to bite the bullet and make the break.  

If most of her friends are on social media and rarely meet in person, then she'll keep all of those friends wherever she is, so it may not be as big a drama as you think.   I have two nephews who went to an international school in London -- their schoolfriends are all over the world and they're all still in touch.

[Quoll]

Personally I wouldn’t be taking a teenage Western girl to Dubai but each to their own. If she’s a friendly outgoing kid she would be fine moving back to UK where, on balance, she would probably have a wider range of opportunities than staying in Australia.  However, if she’s an Aus citizen then once she gets old enough she could return to Australia and you would still be a split family - I think you should resign yourself to the fact that your kids are going to go wherever they want as adults - your youngest, being a British citizen could equally decide to head to UK when she’s older if you stay here. So the bottom line then becomes where do YOU want to spend the rest of your days? If you love Australia then stay, if you prefer UK then go but do it in the very near future before the GCSE merry go round starts for your youngest.

[rammygirl]

Just checking that you have citizenship for Aus. Not everyone bothers.  If not I would definitely get that before you leave.

Dubai will only ever be temporary so if you want your daughter to put down roots I would choose the UK. 

[Ausvisitor]

57 minutes ago, rammygirl said:

Just checking that you have citizenship for Aus. Not everyone bothers.  If not I would definitely get that before you leave.

Dubai will only ever be temporary so if you want your daughter to put down roots I would choose the UK. 

That's a good point, whilst many do live in Dubai on a "next to permanent" basis, the Dubai immigration system doesn't allow anyone not already a Dubai citizen to become one, so they will always be on residency visas tied to either an employer or an investment.

Think of it as always being on a sponsored visa in Australia, the being beholden to the whims of others would eventually wear you down.

[Vana]

Thank you all for your thoughts and responses, I really do appreciate you taking the time.

i know factoring in social media sounds absolutely ridiculous but sadly it really impacts kids mental health at the best of times when they are with all of their friends and having watched my eldest suffer when we moved here it really doesn’t worry me, because our 12 almost 13 year old is like 15 in a lot of ways.

i think ultimately we will eventually split our time between the UK and Aus, but I do worry that if we don’t go back then yes our youngest would possibly never want to leave and would not have the solid family connections. Then again, my mum just visited and said she certainly wouldn’t be going back to the UK the way the country is and it isn’t going to get any better, so that gives me a whole other worry, when Aus is pretty great to have kids in and grow up in.

i never ever envisaged having a split family 14 yrs ago or feeling so torn about a decision! 
 

Most people think we are so lucky and yes we are in many ways, but with options comes a whole heap of complications and uncertainties!

tThanks again! 

Edited Thursday at 08:34 by Vana

[Cheery Thistle]

30 minutes ago, Vana said:

Thank you all for your thoughts and responses, I really do appreciate you taking the time.

i know factoring in social media sounds absolutely ridiculous but sadly it really impacts kids mental health at the best of times when they are with all of their friends and having watched my eldest suffer when we moved here it really doesn’t worry me, because our 12 almost 13 year old is like 15 in a lot of ways.

i think ultimately we will eventually split our time between the UK and Aus, but I do worry that if we don’t go back then yes our youngest would possibly never want to leave and would not have the solid family connections. Then again, my mum just visited and said she certainly wouldn’t be going back to the UK the way the country is and it isn’t going to get any better, so that gives me a whole other worry, when Aus is pretty great to have kids in and grow up in.

i never ever envisaged having a split family 14 yrs ago or feeling so torn about a decision! 
 

Most people think we are so lucky and yes we are in many ways, but with options comes a whole heap of complications and uncertainties!

tThanks again! 

Indeed it’s possible to have too many choices (or at least feel that way). 
I agree with your mum, we are moving from Scotland to Brisbane next week as we feel our standard of living has declined so much here in the UK. Between Brexit, Covid and the highest taxation in decades coupled with the massive cuts to services it’s not a happy or positive place. Tbf you sound like you have wealth which will help insulate you from it to a point and I always say to folk try to choose an affluent pocket if you’re going to come back. 
All the best of luck with it. 

[Marisawright]

50 minutes ago, Vana said:

i know factoring in social media sounds absolutely ridiculous

It only sounds ridiculous because social  media is international, so if she has friends who are purely on social media, she'll keep all of them.  In fact, her online friends will be thrilled to have a friend in Dubai, it gives them something exotic to show off -- and someone to stay with on holidays, maybe.  

It's her face-to-face friends that would be more of an issue.

As Cheery says, people are doing it tough in the UK but if you are in an affluent area, that's not going to affect you to the same extent. 

[ramot]

On 08/10/2024 at 10:50, Vana said:

Hey!

 

just wondering if there are any people out there who have either moved back to the Uk with their Australian born children or gone to Dubai?

we have been here in Melbourne for 14 years and our youngest daughter who is almost 13 was born here and very much the Aussie kid. Our two eldest returned to the UK, one for uni and the other because she rekindled her romance with her childhood sweetheart and getting married next year.

its always played heavily on my mind and in my heart that we are a split family and our youngest doesn’t really have strong family connections, her friends are everything to her and she has ALOT of them, all over Melbourne thanks to social media and friends of friends.  I personally hate this, as it’s just too much, but she is very popular and has great fun with her mates.

when we moved to Aus 14 years ago our eldest daughter was 15 and it was absolutely awful taking her away from her friends, I think I am actually traumatised by what we went through and so this scares me for our youngest, especially given the fact there is now TikTok, snap etc etc which makes it extra hard to switch off from your life and friends that you would be leaving behind.

The reason we are having to make this decision is because our business has suddenly exploded across the Middle East and back in the UK which means whilst things tick a long here in Aus, my husband doesn’t need to be here line before, he is needed over there, hence why we are trying to decide what is the best thing to do.

We have a home in the UK so that’s easy to go back to, but if we were to go to Dubai, then that would be a complete new start for the three of us, something I’m not sure I can face, given I’m now 50, but have heard it’s amazing to live there and would mean we are between here and the UK, so easier for me to get home and see our other two children, but like I said, my main concern is our youngest daughter, she really doesn’t want to leave and I feel like I’m going mad with my indecisiveness! Currently my husband is traveling a lot and away in Dubai or back at home in the UK and our youngest is a weekly boarder here in Melbourne, which means I am on my own a lot of the time and as I write this I am seriously wondering what the …. am I doing?!!

Any advice from someone who has moved with their teenage children would be wonderful!

 

My first question is, in which country will you be spending most of your time?   That might decide your decision. 
Although it was now quite a few years ago, before we retired to Australia, my husband’s work meant a move to Brunei from England, we had a 13 year old daughter in a comprehensive , an 18 year old son at university, and 21 year old son just about to leave university. Hard decisions had to be made, there was no available schooling in Brunei for our daughter, and she was a keen ballet dancer, so she went to a ballet boarding school, leaving all her local childhood friends behind. She basically lost almost all of her friends over the next few years, they grew apart as not much social media then, made a few new friends, but left after 2 years as the regime was very tough, another boarding school for 3 years, but again didn’t keep in touch with many. The main friends she made were with the other expat children from different countries when they were all out for school/uni holidays and still has a strong connection with some, who shared the same unusual lifestyle.  It made her very independent and a bit of a nomad, she has lived in Mexico and Kenya before settling in Australia as did our middle son.Neither she or her middle brother could settle in UK, as they spent a lot of time in Brunei, whereas our oldest son stayed in Uk as he spent very little time there.  
We all survived those difficult years, and remain a fairly close but split family.
What would I have done in hindsight I honestly don’t know, we kept a house in UK, and I spent 10 years living 2 different lives, split between husband in Brunei and children in UK. No one came out the winner, but if I had had the choice, I would have kept my daughter close, I feel I missed out on being more part of her growing up.