Teenagers HELLLLP!

[Que Sera Sera]

I know this forum aint about family counselling but there is a wealth of knowledge out there, can someone give me some advise. My 14 year old Brat, sorry daughter has come home yesterday and announced she was having her nose pierced. I said no way no how and she said that as her friends mum was taking her to have it done ( her friend is only 13!) she was going with her to have it done. No I said you need my permission and you are not old enough and school will not like it. She said her friends mum said she would pretend to be me.

I rang her mum and quite rightly she said no she was never going to pretend to be me and would never do that.

Anyway to cut areally long story short she was appalled and said I had ruined her life! Then she went to school today and got herself suspended for bing fowl mouthed! :arghh:

I have grounded her only to be told I cannot stop her going out and off she has gone!

I am left in bits what do I do. I have removed her laptop and her freeview and her cashpoint card. She has her mobile so I can't get that. What seriously can I do? I can't wallop her (beleive me I am tempted!) Where did my lovely baby go!:cry:

[BuddysMum]

I'm sorry I can't offer much help. Our son is only starting down the obnoxious road at 11. We have it all still to come.

 

However, we have one friend who has survived four daughters who have all grown into delightful young ladies. Her strategy is to ban tattoos as they are permanent but to allow piercings which will close up once the novelty wears off and they remove them. Not sure of her views on facial piercings though.

 

Hair styles and colours are all embraced with enthusiasm, as are fashions. The only ban being overtly provocative clothing.

[Guest Angie*mark]

Hi cath not sure if i can offer much help, but i have a 12yr old daughter who thinks it was ok to have her belly button peirced i said no, and we argued and argued and argued, we eventually came to a compromise that she can have it done on her 15th b'day. is there any room for compromise? i know you feel strongly about it but i had my nose peirced when i was 14 and to be perfectly honest it's not that bad you can get very very small studs now so it hardly shows.

My daughter also went through a bad phase where i was called into the school and like u we banned the computer, she was grounded and we did take her mobile off her, it did work and she has changed but she still gets her moments but we just remind her of when we took all those things off her. also i got the school on my side where they kept an eye on her throughout the day and banned her from sitting next to a so called friend who was the biggest trouble maker going and dragging melissa in. They phoned me every friday and let me know how her behaviour was for that week.

Im so so sorry i couldnt been of more help.........teenage daughters........im dreading the next few years and i got two more so i got to go through the teenage years three times!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Angie xx

[Guest Sam&Si]

Hi Cath,

 

What about letting her get her nose done but only being allowed to wear the stud at weekends/outside school? Sorry it's probably a useless idea, I aint got a clue really I still feel 14 myself!?

 

Keep your pecker up,

 

x

[Que Sera Sera]

Hi Thanks for the replies, I don't have anything against her having piercings and her belly button I don't mind but the school does mind nose piercings, but shes suspended now anyway. I wanted her to go to Oz with a clean slate, but now she will have this on her record.

Its not even what she asked its how she has gone about it. She hates me and Matt will never be her real Dad and all of the usual B*****ks. I was just as bad as a kid and fortuanalty I was not suspended. I think the school was a bit harsh this time but I can understand them not wanting this behaviour.

I have grounded her in the past and yes she hated it but she has never defied me and just gone out. I need to send her a clear message that this is out of order but seriously this is draining me. I was supposed to be on a training course in Manchester over the next 3 days and I have had to cancel, that won't go down well and I am missing out on the Hilton full board :arghh: Kids eh!

[Dawny]

Oh i feel for ya hun!

My eldest who is now 22 and probably giving me as much hassle now as she did then even though she no longer lives at home!

Trust me its a hard task, i tried every thing like you, it just doesn't work, in the end i gave the " i don't care attitude" she was a tad taken back with this, i just went along with whatever she came up with, with Kelly it was the belly button! i offered to take her and to pay for it, "bless her she was all up for it" this was when she was 14, im pleased to say it never happened untill she was 16, i simply offered to help where ever i could, she said it was so un cool to have mum with her, i told her this was the only way should she would ever get it done. The more i went along with what she wanted the less interested she became, im pleased to say this works with my 10 year old also, They just want a reaction the more you go against them the more they want it,

Hope it helps a little works for mine but maybe not every one

Dawn x

[Que Sera Sera]

Oh i feel for ya hun!

My eldest who is now 22 and probably giving me as much hassle now as she did then even though she no longer lives at home!

Trust me its a hard task, i tried every thing like you, it just doesn't work, in the end i gave the " i don't care attitude" she was a tad taken back with this, i just went along with whatever she came up with, with Kelly it was the belly button! i offered to take her and to pay for it, "bless her she was all up for it" this was when she was 14, im pleased to say it never happened untill she was 16, i simply offered to help where ever i could, she said it was so un cool to have mum with her, i told her this was the only way should she would ever get it done. The more i went along with what she wanted the less interested she became, im pleased to say this works with my 10 year old also, They just want a reaction the more you go against them the more they want it,

Hope it helps a little works for mine but maybe not every one

Dawn x

 

Dawn you are so right I know all this behaviour is attention seeking, the problem I have is if I do nothing my Hubby thinks thats wrong and if I do something she thinks its wrong! I am piggy in the middle and its driving me mad. I have just had a text from her to say she is sticking up and the local social clus skittle team so she will not be home until 10.45, not bad considering she is grounded! My argument is she is working but my OH when he gets home from work is not going to see it like that. God so much for a nice restfull night!:goofy:

[Dawny]

Dawn you are so right I know all this behaviour is attention seeking, the problem I have is if I do nothing my Hubby thinks thats wrong and if I do something she thinks its wrong! I am piggy in the middle and its driving me mad. I have just had a text from her to say she is sticking up and the local social clus skittle team so she will not be home until 10.45, not bad considering she is grounded! My argument is she is working but my OH when he gets home from work is not going to see it like that. God so much for a nice restfull night!:goofy:

 

Like you my oh isn't kellys dad, and you do feel like piggy in the middle sometimes, usually im to soft and hes too hard, Then she would play us off against each other, all i can say is it does get easier that i can promise, Kids bless xxx ( also dont let her know its getting to you, they enjoy that more hun )

[Guest TheClarkes]

Hi Cath,

You are not alone, It seems that everyone i know with teenagers including me are going through the same thing on what seems like a daily basis at times. Its the hardest job in the world and they dont come with remote controls do they? The thing is we only want the best for them which they never seem to see, and its so hard to start letting them go and be independant, but the thing is they do have to make their own mistakes and sometimes learn the hard way and that should make them the good people we hope they will grow in to.

Its hard being stuck in the middle between your husband and your children I know this from experience...

Keep smiling! Tomorrow is another day im sure it will be fine!

You could always play along and say you want yours done if she does and see what she says lol

Clare x

[ali]

What about the 'you want me to treat you like a young adult but are behaving like a child' talk .. point out that you are willing to compromise (perhaps the piercing can be done as a leaving pressie when you go to Aus), it's ok to tell her your disappointed that she's been suspended and what that means for her starting a new school/college in Aus

[Guest sweety]

Im going through the same thing too, but mine is a 16 year old boy! who is 6 foot and quite strong.

Hes still at school, doing his exams although he has a weekend job, which is good, and college mondays and works at the garage weds and fridays (leaves school in June).

 

Only now hes turned 16 (Feb) he thinks he can live his life however he choses!

Hes suspended from school for defiance and verbal abuse at the teachers, theyve set him homework and he refuses point blank to do it, its not easy for my OH or me to sit him down at the table, stick a pen in his hand and make him do it anymore.

 

When we say 'This could ruin our chances of going to Australia' we get

'so what, i dont even want to go anymore'

When we say 'Youre throwing your life away, youve got so much going for you' he says

'So what, its my choice if i want to throw my life away or not'

He just doesnt seem to understand how precious this time is.

 

We've took his console of him, his internet and ive took his phone charger. I was going to charge his phone for him when he did sets of his homework.

Once he finished the whole set he could of had it back, but no! he'd rather go without everything and give us the 'what other punishment do you want me to have? youve taken everything off me'

 

We feel really bad, but we have other children to think about and im at my wits end!!

 

We dont know if we're going to Oz now or not? if hes going to leave home, as he keeps saying, we've tried yelling, talking, ignoring, compromising..nothing seems to work.

 

And ive been told, it gets worse!!!

[Cazz]

Hi hun, I think there's lots of us out there that are in the same boat or have been. My daughter had her belly button pierced when she was 16 & then mythered for her tongue pierced ( yuk!). To this I said no " just think of the food and germs that will get in that" I said to her everytime she mentioned it. " if you want it done you can wait until you're 18,then you can do what you like" I told her. She's 21 now & still hasn't done it! I have been lucky with my 3 ( 21, 18 & 14) as much as they have all wanted something daft at some time or other, generally just putting my point across as to why not, has usually been enough, I've never had to be to severe and give them orders. Very lucky I suppose!!!