Guest Guest18443 Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 We tried to be quite up front with both sets of parents.We thought that the earlier we told them the longer they would have to get used to it. OH's parents were upset but haven't really give us a hard time, but my parents (OMG). Told my mum first on her own, she cried but said she understood that we were doing it for the family.The week after she launched into a verbal attack of mega proportions which really knocked me sideways.I was "cruel" and "selfish"and basically I was made to feel like a naughty seven year old!!I ended up telling my dad our plans on his own because no one (mum included) wanted to be in the house when I broke the news.As expected he went balistic and hasn't mentioned the "A" word since.This was two years ago and every milestone we have come to from applying to getting our visa has overshadowed by having to tell my parents.This week we are booking the flights for May so you can imagine what it's going to be like when I tell them. Good luck with the move, Jackie You've obviously have travelled a very long and painful road, to get to this point of realising your dream of a better future for you and your family. I wish you all the best, and I hope it is not too hard part with your parents. Claire x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest18443 Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Good Luke mate with telling the Outlaws! My Husband is a real chicken! He is avoiding telling him Mum like the plague! I keep asking and he gets really irate! Claire :-) Sorry, but this was a reply to Ozdreamseekers! Let me know how you get on x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l1sa Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 This is the big question isn't it!! The only thing holding most of us back is the fact that we'll be leaving parents behind. We told my parents from the word go and I am really close to them, and they couldn't have been more encouraging and helpful, infact now when I have my doubtful moments, its my mum that spurs me on telling me it is definately the right move for us!! What she doesn't tell me is the times when at home she cries because she's going to miss us all so much, she has never once put an ounce of guilt on my head, which kind of makes it worse in a way!! The other set of parents is another story!! Her daughter emigrated 6 years ago and she made her life hell before she went, even going as far as to say, she would never visit, she was making the biggest mistake of her life and if she went she'd never see her again. (nice eh..) (but having made all those threats, she has visited 3 times!!) So having been aware of the way she treated the daughter, the fact that her only other child is going too, I'm kind of dreading telling them!! We've put it off and put it off, but still talking about Australia alot and making comments flippantly like "well when we live in Australia..." We have decided not to tell them until the Visa has been granted as, like people say "anything can happen" and we may yet be turned down!! Its a real tough one, good luck to everyone with how you do it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jackie Roberts Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 It's a real dilema but at the end of the day we are all doing what we think is the best for ourselves and our families.Good luck to everyone xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zedster Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Oh my, this is a really hard thing to do (well for me it was and I've only told my mum so far!) I decided to tell her as early on in the process as possible because I wanted her to get used to the idea knowing that it would be hard for her to deal with main reason being that she has 1 grandaughter and another on the way in the next few weeks. When I told her she couldn't stop crying, got so upset and after dinner ran out the house to go home (she was at our house when I told her). She couldn't deal with the shock of it whilst her grandaughter was playing at her feet and talking to her as normal. She couldn't keep it together. So after she left the house, I went after her (in my slippers) round to her house just to talk through it a bit on our own. She was still really upset but said that she could understand why we were doing it and said that she didn't mean to come across as being selfish. Since then she's asked me a couple of questions about it but mainly has passed comments about the cost of living/property prices "over there" thanks to the really insightful programme that is "wanted down under" on bbc1 at the moment! Thanks wanted down under! I tried explaining that these people are in different circumstances from us, different requirements from a property, they are showing them properties way over their budgets and you can get property cheaper etc. We told the inlaws around the same time as my mum and they were fine (we don't see them that often anyway, maybe 1 or 2 times a year. But since we told them we've "heard" that FIL has said that we're being selfish or rather my OH is being selfish as it's what he has wanted for years but what they don't realise is that I want it just as much as he does! So, I'm sorry for rambling on! I still have to tell my Dad but we're going to wait until we've asked employers for references and told them or until we've submitted our visa application. We live about 20 miles away from them and like someone else said, I can count on one hand the number of times they've been to visit us here in the past 3 years! We have also told a couple of closer friends and everone else we will tell once we have our visa. Still have to sell the house :goofy: though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest annemarie and brian Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 hi, we told our parents once we passed our tra and it was better than i expeacted my mum was upset but knew why i was doing it and my dad just will not talk to us about it at all even now and we are just waiting for the visa,my hubbys parents were ok they said go and have a great time they wish they did a long time ago when it was ten pound to go. i just hope my dad will come round eventually and will visit us,but who knows. annemarie and brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jodiejay Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 HI we told my mil straightaway, but sometimes regret that, now its closer shes depressed and i think thats abit of the old emotional blackmail card. told my family after the meds, most upset but are happy for us but its never easy to know when the best time is depends on what your family are like. If you think your going to get grief leave it till your sure your going, you dont need extra stress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jackie Roberts Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Oh, I really feel for you and anyone else going through this.It is one of the worst feelings in the world.We told both sets of parents early on when we first applied thinking that it would give them plenty of time to get used to the idea. O/H parents and my mum do talk about Oz but my dad is in total denial, and now we are looking at booking the flights out next week for May I don't know how he is going to react.But like you, I am doing it for my family and you just have to get on with it. Good luck with everything , Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LYNMACMD Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 My mother passed away last year and I always said I wouldn't move until she had passed on, my in-laws have been fine even though we are taking their only grandchild away, but in the early 70's they did the same thing to my mil's parents when they moved to South African when my hubby was 6mths old so they understand why we want to go. My harder problem is my oldest children! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OzDreamSeekers Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Sorry, but this was a reply to Ozdreamseekers! Let me know how you get on x Thank you very much Claire. I had concocted another plan (one so cunning you could brush your teeth with it!)....... Firstly, we wait for the visas to be passed and organise the day of moving to Oz. Then, we ask the outlaws for a lift to the airport on holiday. We proceed to the airport, happy and smily. On arrival, we disembark the car bags in hand, running shoes on! Thats when it happens (I can see it clearly now, it all looks so easy!) we tell them the news that we are leaving in 10 minutes! Then we run......we run like our lives depend on it! The wind beneath our feet we are able to outrun the onslaught! Now many of you reading this will think thats the chickens way out......I would class it as self preservation. Ok - seriously now and joking aside......its gonna be tough, some of you tell hideous stories, some more heart-warming. Either way, we truly get to see how intense the feelings of our families are when we tell them the score. How you use that information and how you treat that reaction is down to you, but at least you know. Our priorities lie with our two young kids and their futures....a life of being inside cos of the weather is driving us stir crazy. Good luck everyone when you break the news. I will post again once we tell my outlaws! Its gonna get messy and Michelle is looking like she may put it off again! We shall see. Adam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I dont think it is all emotional blackmail to be honest. These are your parents. Is it so bad that they are sad/depressed at the thought of you leaving? Id be more worried if they were packing your bags for you! LOL! Seriously any parent will be sad and it is a hard thing to deal with. "Hello Mum, Im moving". " where to???" At this stage Mum is thinking "oh nice and local" and we throw in "no, Australia" Any parent worth their weight will want whats best for their kids, they will want everything for you that they couldnt have! Dont be mad because they are upset at you leaving. Its a human reaction. The same as we suffer homesickness/missing people here. WHen we call them and tell them how much we are missing them etc etc are we not doing the same to them?????? Just some random thoughts, please do not think I am criticising!!! Wasnt intended that way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zedster Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Thank you very much Claire. I had concocted another plan (one so cunning you could brush your teeth with it!)....... Firstly, we wait for the visas to be passed and organise the day of moving to Oz. Then, we ask the outlaws for a lift to the airport on holiday. We proceed to the airport, happy and smily. On arrival, we disembark the car bags in hand, running shoes on! Thats when it happens (I can see it clearly now, it all looks so easy!) we tell them the news that we are leaving in 10 minutes! Then we run......we run like our lives depend on it! The wind beneath our feet we are able to outrun the onslaught! Now many of you reading this will think thats the chickens way out......I would class it as self preservation. Ok - seriously now and joking aside......its gonna be tough, some of you tell hideous stories, some more heart-warming. Either way, we truly get to see how intense the feelings of our families are when we tell them the score. How you use that information and how you treat that reaction is down to you, but at least you know. Our priorities lie with our two young kids and their futures....a life of being inside cos of the weather is driving us stir crazy. Good luck everyone when you break the news. I will post again once we tell my outlaws! Its gonna get messy and Michelle is looking like she may put it off again! We shall see. Adam hehehe...made me giggle, that first bit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Marje Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Hi Kim It all went very quickly for us with the visa going through etc so I told my parents straight away. They were a bit upset but also very excited and happy for us as they know we'd been talking about going abroad through my husband's work for ages. Now they're trying to figure out when to come and visit us and they're happy that we're happy here. Now the in-laws, well what can I say, they tried pulling the guilt-trip saying how they were losing half of their family etc. I wasn't having any of it, didn't speak to them till they apologised! At the end of the day it's your life and you've got to do what's best for you and your family and follow your dreams. Wouldn't your parents/in-laws have done the same if they'd ever had the chance?? Life's too short to and there's never gong to be a right time for immigrating halfway around the world so do it when you want to... otherwise there's always just another birthday, another wedding etc to go to. Yes family and friends are going to miss you and you'll miss them, but that's life and they can come and visit plus you got emails/text messages/Skype/Facebook and all that to keep them updated on how it's all going. Luckily my mum and dad are very social and active in the local community, so they've got their own busy lives plus I moved to the UK 8 years ago to be with my husband (originally from Denmark) so in some ways they're used to me not being just around the corner. The in-laws on the other hand are not social at all (and that's putting it nicely!)... that's why I wasn't too impressed with them pulling the guilt trip, not my fault that they haven't got a life of their own and only live through their kids. Anyway that's another story and basically my advise is to tell your parents/in-laws asap so they have as much time as possible to get their heads around the whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OzDreamSeekers Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Hey, parents are strange folks! We considered emigrating to NZ about 5 years ago. Everything was set, all the pro's for going listed, the one con for not going listed (the outlaws!). So we excitedly tell the outlaws our plans and how it will better improve our kids lives and our lives, etc, etc! Like a few people above, met with silence from both. The sort of silence which requires tumbleweed and eerie music gently playing in the background! The sort of silence which changes the plans of an entire family and their futures in half a second! Michelle (the better half of course) couldnt go through with it...after a few weeks of 'silence' it was obvious it wasnt going to happen! The kids were young then, so one can empathise with the reaction. My father in law did quietly say to us that he once wanted to emigrate on the £10 ticket, but HIS mother in law stopped them pretty much the same way! irony! (a little like goldy and silvery, just made of iron!) He also said he supported us, but not outwardly or in front of the mother-in-law! (I would call her a dragon, but she is actually a lovely person in every other way and is like a mother to me....awww, thanks mum, sniff sniff!) Life eventually gets us to here and now (I wont bore you with why we are going to Oz rather than NZ), we are much further down the line, visa application in, skills asst already done, awaiting IELTS test results (due to CSL change) and needing to once again tell the outlaws. "Whats the difference this time?" I hear you say.....well, Michelle is committed to this as much as me and we both agree that even if they are upset again, we are going through with it. We realise its very hard and will be a test for us all, but it is for the good of us and our two children. We are living OUR lives for US, not for parents. However, our daughter (who is only 6) did let slip yesterday that she may have accidentally mentioned it to the father in law! OOPS. So its now time to 'do the deed' We didnt do it sooner because of bereavements, holidays etc etc (A million reasons not to tell your parents...theres a book in that title im sure! watch out JK Rowling!). Wish me luck, cos I am personally attached to certain parts of my anatomy and I reckon they may be in jeopardy soon! Its happening so they need to get used to it...although the mother in law must be psychic cos she has recently been mentioning how dangerous some spiders are in the world (to the kids) and how she doesnt want to go on holiday to Japan with friends because of the long flight (which she says she would never do!) and that someone she knows had to come all the way back from NZ cos of a sick relly! Im not paranoid, but she knows....she MUST do! Maybe its denial, maybe its not. Maybe I AM paranoid, who is that person in the window opposite my house? they are watching me! NOOOOOOO!:arghh: Oh well, I have said to Michelle that I am going either way - easy for me to rub her off the visa application .... lol (that part was a joke - or is it! mwah ha ha ha ha!) I wish everyone luck in telling parents and families, I am fortunate in that I dont really get on with my family, certainly dont see them more than a few times a year. They will all want free holidays - I have already planned to tell them we are moving to Perth and they are welcome there anytime - he he he we are actually going to Brisbane, but shhhhh! no one tell them please! Anyway, this weekend is TOL'day (Telling Outlaws Day!) so wish us luck, we are going in! Adam, Michelle, Jordan and Emily (nb - had to check this twice for spellings - dont reckon my chances in the IELTS test - lol) Hey everypeeps....me again! Just thought I would update my post above......After putting it off and putting it off (due to family reasons beyond our control, but which felt like some conspiracy - Big Brother really is watching me!:cool:) we finally told the outlaws! Well we were both very nervous, we had it all planned, we had the escape routes covered, the car was running ready to dash...it was a military operation. The kids were told to play safely upstairs and out of harms way! Then the know came......can someone tell me why, when you have some bad news to tell someone or you are very nervous, that you cant stop grinning! I felt a little like I was about to play an awful joke on them...........hmmmm ...... in a way... no stop that! Anyhoo....Michelle nervously started to tell them and the reasons why..... I just couldnt believe what came next..... noone could have predicted..... we were shocked to say the least..... They were supportive, understanding and most of all interested! All I have to say about that is "HOW DARE THEY!" After all that worrying and nervousness! At the very least a dissapproving look would have appeased my preparation for the worst....but NO! Some may say i am over reacting a tad, but WHY! I guess they could see the true sense that we know what we want and it is REAL. It is clearly a HUGE decision and one we are not taking lightly, and they could see that! The moral of this story - well, have commitment and truly believe in the path you set for yourself and your family. If you properly research and plan and look at the down sides as well as the upsides, not look at the decision through rose coloured specs and make sure you cover every angle, then you will be happy in yourself about the route you plan. Most of all be honest with yourself about your choices and feelings..... Its no good uprooting everything in your life and travelling half way round the world to find you werent being honest with yourself - and your partner/family! (*I also provide counselling sessions and am a member of the Samaritans! lol) All the best whatever you choose. Adam (just awaiting my form 80 to be approved and then its wait for the visa ...... more freaking nerves!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazz Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Hi, We told our parents from the beginning. Everyone is ok about it. FIL thinks it's great ( he's been to Perth & would move there himself if he was younger) MIL gets upset every now & again but I think is looking forward to coming over for hols. Then there's my mum & dad! Dad's been pricng flights since we told them we were putting in the visa but mum is not to happy. She can't understand what we are going to gain from it & doesn't like the idea of us selling up before we go ( rent it out for 12 months first she says so you've got it to come back to if you don't like it) Also, we will be taking away her precious grandson ( other 2 are staying here!). I can understand her upset really, we are a very small familly, mum , dad, sis & boyfriend, & two aunties, me , hubby & my 3 kids.1 aunt is really pleased for us, my mum's sis is as bad as my mum, but they go on & on to my youngest about it & not me! My mum had ovarian cancer a few years back & now my sis has breast cancer ( a nasty form) mum's always worrying that it's going to come back & I think she worries that she won't see us again. Generally though everyone else is pleased for us. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Niki Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 we are in the middle of our visa application and hopefully should now pretty soon about our application. we have had a terrible time with my mum , she is on her own but does have my sister here ( although she is not being very supportive) its incredible what has come out of the woodwork ( things that have been unsaid for years) but whilst i feel really sad , its almost propelling me even further . i am just hoping between now and when we go things get better on a lighter note , we are moving to sunshine coast (noosaville) with my hubby and 2 boys 12 and 5 - anyone else in that area We should be there my xmas 2010:cool: Niki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Finchy84 Posted March 17, 2010 Share Posted March 17, 2010 I told my parents when they were on Holiday in Mauritious at the time and although I only had my WHV visa my plan was to always stay here in Sydney. I just told them straight out and although my mum was initially shocked she was supportive of me as was my Step Dad and my Dad as well. I felt a bit sorry for my Mum as I told her when she was on holiday and after I had booked the flight so there wasnt any option of it changing and I was leaving in 6 weeks. The positive thing about moving here is it has allowed my parents to visit every year, which I dont think they would have ever come to this country if I had not moved here and it has certaintly brought my Mum and I closer as she can see that it was the right move for me. My parents have always been very supportive so I am very lucky about that. I still miss my family, as does everyone when you move overseas, however my life out here is literally 10x better than what it was in the UK. I am earning 5x more money here and my standard of living is much much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaC Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 i think it just depends on the type of people that your parents are. undoubtedly you will get the guilt trip...but i feel that this is just people being selfish and thinking about what they will miss, not thinking about you, and what you will again. When my sister in law told her family they were terrible. took it really hard etc, not at all supportive, and completely ruined the whole experience for them. I have been nothing but honest with my family...telling them that the reason I was back in uni was to allow me to emigrate etc, and they are very supportive. all reckon they are coming out to visit...think i need a hotel...not a house. best of luck. i think the sooner you do it the better, let them get used to the idea. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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