Quoll Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Just read through all the posts and while my heart goes out to those that are torn with families left behind. To make it you really have to cut ties,its like a death in the family. You grieve and in time move on. Those that subsribe to papers back home etc and constantly look back will be doomed i'm afraid. A lot that came over when we did went back within the 2 years as they did this. Don't know whether it is better or worse now with the cheap phonecalls and internet you are in daily contact with home. In my day it was months before you got a letter! But i am so glad now we stayed, i am eternally grateful as i would never in attain what my family have now if i were back in Cheshire. i have been back several times for several months holidaying all over UK and it is worse than i remembered it. i cried when i say my old street with houses boarded up and rubbish out the back entry.The railway station no longer used and smashed up. The old lovely church emptied. i do love Britain countryside and the old houses but not what the people have done to it. And Earl,you do live in a lovely place. you are very lucky to be able to be surrounded with such beauty. Good on you, the rest that aren't give Aus a go. i'm glad i'm here and can work to save to visit you but never live there It's really interesting the difference that communication makes and I think it actually makes settling much harder. I came in the days of airmail letters and L1 a minute phone calls too. I didnt bother mixing with Poms, just took things as they came and to all appearances I must have settled really easily - no homesickness, no despair over people dying while I was here, a bit of annoyance at missing family events maybe but that was all. However, my head lives here, my heart doesnt and never has. I have never got on the plane to come back here and thought "thank goodness I am going home", it is usually with a sense of sickness and utter despair. When I fly into London however, I know I am home. Warts and all on the tube line, grotty and disheveled it is still where I belong and even living out my life here will not change that. I dont skype, I call my aged rellies about once a month if they are lucky, I do try and email but my mum is the world's worst deleter and that is without actually touching the computer! I get an email from my very busy son about once a month if I am lucky and am more likely to get an sms from his girlfriend than I am from him. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to feel really settled here with so much "home" stuff going on, stuff that you are only peripheral to and so much that you miss - people marrying, dying, kids growing up, graduating etc. That would be enough to drive you to distraction, knowing that your people are getting on with their lives and you arent a part of it. I think if you have the bulk of your family here it is easier to deal with but I am the only one here - I have my DH but he is an Aussie with his own family who, lovely as they are, are not MY family. I have one son here but he has his own life and is being self sufficient out in the bush with his partner and daughter - they have THEIR lives here. I really do feel absolutely and utterly bereft and alone. It isnt even as if we live in each other's pockets when I do go home, it's just that I am there and they are there and the community I belong to is there. It is the weirdest feeling and believe me, over the past 10 years especially I have analysed it to death. I dont think my life is any better than that of my friends who stayed - most of them are better off than we are really. Their kids have all done well and have turned into responsible participative adults. They also have the opportunity for a much richer retirement than I fear faces me here. If I were retired back home I would be jaunting off for weekend breaks to the Continent, driving off for the day to see something interesting, probably doing U3A archaeology or something, indulging my passion for genealogy and generally give back to the community. Not going to happen here. I guess at bottom, I have the soul of an adventurer and I am bored beyond belief, holiday's over now please let me go home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I just read your post Quoll and really felt for you. As we are so close to leaving I have to say one of my biggest 'worries' is the fear of missing my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with it...I guess I'll have to wait and see. All I do know is that I prefer to spend time with my husband and kids here, they come first so I'm hoping it will be enough to just have them in Australia with the occasional visit from family thrown in to keep me sane! As we say goodbye to different people it is hitting me just how much they mean to me...all perfectly normal I'm sure. No advice for you I'm afraid other than to say I really hope you find happiness and contentment soon. Warm wishes xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I just read your post Quoll and really felt for you. As we are so close to leaving I have to say one of my biggest 'worries' is the fear of missing my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with it...I guess I'll have to wait and see. All I do know is that I prefer to spend time with my husband and kids here, they come first so I'm hoping it will be enough to just have them in Australia with the occasional visit from family thrown in to keep me sane! As we say goodbye to different people it is hitting me just how much they mean to me...all perfectly normal I'm sure. No advice for you I'm afraid other than to say I really hope you find happiness and contentment soon. Warm wishes xx Nice post Fiona, I am sure what you are going through now is perfectly normal so dont worry, just reading your posts makes me think you will have no problem adapting to life in another country and will thrive out there. Sorry about lack of advice quoll but after reading your post all i can say is keep your chin up and good luck to you. Keep smiling:spinny:andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I just read your post Quoll and really felt for you. As we are so close to leaving I have to say one of my biggest 'worries' is the fear of missing my family and friends. I don't know how I will cope with it...I guess I'll have to wait and see. All I do know is that I prefer to spend time with my husband and kids here, they come first so I'm hoping it will be enough to just have them in Australia with the occasional visit from family thrown in to keep me sane! As we say goodbye to different people it is hitting me just how much they mean to me...all perfectly normal I'm sure. No advice for you I'm afraid other than to say I really hope you find happiness and contentment soon. Warm wishes xx Aw thanks. Dont worry about me though, I get by. You can live with anything really if you put your mind to it and not let the feelings come too close to the surface - sorry, I am having a bad time at the moment for a whole load of reasons and I tend to let it all out on here rather than in person - he knows just how I feel anyway. I really do think that if it was him and me against the world, it would be easier to handle - ours is an Aussie/UK marriage and I do think that exacerbates things. I am sure you will be fine, just dont let yourself get suckered and stuck somewhere that really doesnt float your boat. Make decisions at points of transition and really decide that this is where you want to be rather than just going along with the flow and you will do just great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest t'n'g Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Hi Quoll, big hug being sent your way. we have lived in Oz for 6 years and are back in uk for last year with work, and i am really torn!! so know how you feel due to come back in march dont know whether i want to!!! Trisha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lee winspear Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Earlswood - they`re not smiling.....they`re grimacing as the cold hits their eyeballs and thinking about the debt they`ll have in 09!!:tonguexmas: we moved over sept 08, hated it moved back to uk in nov, luvd it hubby said he was coming bak in march 09, changed his mind so i thought id give it a go n came back in jan, still hated it, hubbies not coming with us, gutted,if i stayed here i really dont know how id wud ve coped, as my eldest refused to come back, he stayed in uk. :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PommieLady Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 The things I miss aren't tangible, humour, culture, sense of shared history etc. Having access to the net, uk radio and tv as well as msn live etc help deal with all the family issues, and I know facebook has really helped my oh feel like he's still involved in his (large) family life. I must admit that I am feeling much more settled in Tas, WA was not for me and have started to get the connection and feeling that I actually belong. There's a small population here so you very quickly become a regular, that definately helps you to feel like you are home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabroom Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Well it just shows how folk are different me old yorkshire pud.........I love it back home and do not mis Oz one little bit...and to taste a decent pint is heaven after the nats-piss they made in Oz....would be a sad day if we all loved the same things me- flower:jiggy: Eh, wouldn't it be great lads if you both drank wine, problem solved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest earlswood Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 The things I miss aren't tangible, humour, culture, sense of shared history etc. Having access to the net, uk radio and tv as well as msn live etc help deal with all the family issues, and I know facebook has really helped my oh feel like he's still involved in his (large) family life. I must admit that I am feeling much more settled in Tas, WA was not for me and have started to get the connection and feeling that I actually belong. There's a small population here so you very quickly become a regular, that definately helps you to feel like you are home. Glad you are luvvin it....maybe I should have tried tassie before I came back.:GEEK: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chloew Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 The things I miss aren't tangible, humour, culture, sense of shared history etc. Having access to the net, uk radio and tv as well as msn live etc help deal with all the family issues, and I know facebook has really helped my oh feel like he's still involved in his (large) family life. I miss the same things along with the green grass - have just been weeding in our garden in Melbourne and feel like crying as the soil is so dry and nothing grows except the weeds! I miss the proximity to Europe and proper roast dinners! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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