Guest One Hour Photo Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 It seems most people here have partners and other family. Just wondering if there are any other sad buggers (like me) who live on their own, if there are did you come here on your own or did things break up later. I am curious to know how other people find things on their own. I realise its probably different for young people (to me anyone under 45 is young these days) but do older singles find it tuff to find friends or acquaintances and get out socially......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimera Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 I'm another saddo on my own, came out here with the wife but things went **** up, I'm not quite as old as you but not far off.....and yes it is almost impossilble to get out and meet new people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 I'm another saddo on my own, came out here with the wife but things went **** up, I'm not quite as old as you but not far off.....and yes it is almost impossilble to get out and meet new people Hi chimera, just out of intrest why is it hard over there to get out and meet people,also for you guys, have you tried internet dating, i know a lot of people laugh at that but i have a friend over here who met a great bloke on a dating site and are going well, it seems like a good starting point to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongrel Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Hi chimera, just out of intrest why is it hard over there to get out and meet people,also for you guys, have you tried internet dating, i know a lot of people laugh at that but i have a friend over here who met a great bloke on a dating site and are going well, it seems like a good starting point to me. But your friends a bloke Andy lmao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongrel Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 When me and ther mrs hads an hiatus about 3 years ago ,i dabbled on a dating site , no firm commitment nobody was bothered but had a whale of a time and got a lot off my chest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 But your friends a bloke Andy lmao :biglaugh:hey dont knock it until you try it mate:Randy-git: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 When me and ther mrs hads an hiatus about 3 years ago ,i dabbled on a dating site , no firm commitment nobody was bothered but had a whale of a time and got a lot off my chest Thats exactly the point, you dont have to meet anybody you dont like the look of and just meet the ones you do and if nothing comes of it you have not lost anything, but by the same token you may meet the man/woman for you. Also you can determine if certain people have the same things in common as you as that is always useful, i am not saying it would work for everyone but if you stuggle to meet people or are shy then it has to be worth a go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 im not single and very rarely have been ,i hate being alone in the house (maybe thats why i have so many kids) but if i was at the age of 43 i would defo use a dating agency , that way it cuts the crap out , you both know why you are there and what you want ......its just a matter of time then you will find someone compatable .......good luck pal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest One Hour Photo Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 As I have said before 'what sort of idiot would come here on their own, to some insular 'village', knowing no-one, and expect it to work'. Well this idiot did ...... I had hoped that there would be people on here I could meet up with, but I really do seem to be the 'only foreigner in the village'. I have tried to join in, even push in, but ‘the locals’ are experts at keeping invaders out. My state of mind changes, sometimes I think I will get out and give it another go, or post on here and hope (over experience) that there will be someone around here, or people who know people here, so I could get a chance to meet with people, when nothing comes of it its very depressing. An invite to a BBQ/lunch, finding friends, seem as likely as winning the lottery, or getting re-married, or, being struck by lightening .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 As I have said before 'what sort of idiot would come here on their own, to some insular 'village', knowing no-one, and expect it to work'. Well this idiot did ...... I had hoped that there would be people on here I could meet up with, but I really do seem to be the 'only foreigner in the village'. I have tried to join in, even push in, but ‘the locals’ are experts at keeping invaders out. My state of mind changes, sometimes I think I will get out and give it another go, or post on here and hope (over experience) that there will be someone around here, or people who know people here, so I could get a chance to meet with people, when nothing comes of it its very depressing. An invite to a BBQ/lunch, finding friends, seem as likely as winning the lottery, or getting re-married, or, being struck by lightening .. my mother in law is coming over to live and she is single.......? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I can never understand why couples don't try harder to include single friends in their circle more. My friend's husband passed away when she was still in her 30's and I know that certain people drifted away after that, I could never understand the mentality of everyone being included only if they had a partner. OHP and Chimera, I hope this doesn't sound twee or condescending, i would be mortified if it does - but I wondered if there are any clubs you could join such as book clubs, photography, art, woodwork, choirs (if you can sing if course!) Being very lonely can knock your confidence to the point where you must think 'What's the point?' but it only takes one friend in order to find another, and another ... I wish you both every success. Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 As I have said before 'what sort of idiot would come here on their own, to some insular 'village', knowing no-one, and expect it to work'. Well this idiot did ...... I had hoped that there would be people on here I could meet up with, but I really do seem to be the 'only foreigner in the village'. I have tried to join in, even push in, but ‘the locals’ are experts at keeping invaders out. My state of mind changes, sometimes I think I will get out and give it another go, or post on here and hope (over experience) that there will be someone around here, or people who know people here, so I could get a chance to meet with people, when nothing comes of it its very depressing. An invite to a BBQ/lunch, finding friends, seem as likely as winning the lottery, or getting re-married, or, being struck by lightening .. I do understand, I have read quite a few of your posts and nodded in agreement to many aspects. My lst husband was killed in a motor bike crash when I was in my 30's , I was living in London with children, I found myself in a very similar position and despite having wonderful friends I was exceptionally lonely. Loneliness is a killer. You are single, but have responsibilities as you do with your business, it appeared that married/partners veered away from the single woman, its very painful.Fortunately for me I managed to work and live in Asia where "the single Mum and kiddies " were deemed acceptable in the community and we were included in all activities. I really did feel half a person not being married any more , hence I dont particularly like the term OH.. I am my own "whole person"! I met my present husband in Vietnam where I was working and well being a member of Poms in Oz tells you the story........ but I never forgot those times, those time of never feeling that I belonged and a conscious effort by society has to be made to include those with a different marital status other than our own. As you become older it does become more difficult as you are finding out. We have a "befriending" at our local hospital which can be very rewarding for both the patient and the befriender, this is another way of meeting people... Hospice work, befriending refugees, something that can be incorporated into your daily working life. You are obviously an intelligent person One Stop and have much to offer, without showing judgement or criticism. Have you also looked at fostering an older child who would benefit so much from your wealth of knowledge? One Stop excuse me for my ramble, I have wanted to post to you before now, and probably couldnt find the right words but I do understand I really do! I hope this doesnt come over as condencending because thats the furthest thing from my mind. :hug: I will always listen! Love and hugs Susie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I'm another saddo on my own, came out here with the wife but things went **** up, I'm not quite as old as you but not far off.....and yes it is almost impossilble to get out and meet new people:hug: You are not a "saddo", its circumstances beyond your control .... I know one thing for sure my kettle is always on the boil or a beer/wine in the fridge.... for anyone. You dont say where you are Chimera:wubclub:Susie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest One Hour Photo Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 my mother in law is coming over to live and she is single.......? Is she comming here to be near her daughter, and you ?? Seems to me if you know people you will have some support and company, a starting point - someone to have lunch with, someone to show you around, help you unpack etc ...... I am assuming if she is going to be nearby you will be in a postion to offer support, company and help. If she is thinking of comming over to a location where she knows no-one and has no contacts I would suggest caution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Is she comming here to be near her daughter, and you ?? Seems to me if you know people you will have some support and company, a starting point - someone to have lunch with, someone to show you around, help you unpack etc ...... I am assuming if she is going to be nearby you will be in a postion to offer support, company and help. If she is thinking of comming over to a location where she knows no-one and has no contacts I would suggest caution. she will know only 3/4 people but they are nor we are sor and will be very close to our house , why do you suggest caution? im well aware that things could get difficult but laws will be layed as i dont want routine and i married her daughter and not her mum....the same as if my mum and dad come to live .........what are you concerns pal..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 :hug: You are not a "saddo", its circumstances beyond your control .... I know one thing for sure my kettle is always on the boil or a beer/wine in the fridge.... for anyone. You dont say where you are Chimera:wubclub:Susie x free beer and wine ........be round soon..........:jiggy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 free beer and wine ........be round soon..........:jiggy: I have a pinny for you Tony, and I like my curries hot please Vindaloo will do nicely:biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I have a pinny for you Tony, and I like my curries hot please Vindaloo will do nicely:biggrin: :wubclub:....ok ,the hotter the better ...whats the pinny......:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olly Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 free beer and wine ........be round soon..........:jiggy: I'm closer than you are tonyman and I can get there first ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 :wubclub:....ok ,the hotter the better ...whats the pinny......:hug: A pinefore/aka apron Tony:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I'm closer than you are tonyman and I can get there first ! But can you make a mean curry and do the ironing in a pinny......:wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 A pinefore/aka apron Tony:wubclub: !gulp......:embarrassed: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olly Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Susie your comments are very true, it is hard for some people. To the original poster, is there a way you can just move, is something set in concrete that is keeping you up in a country town that doesn't suit you. Can you move to Melbourne where there is lots going on, and I can say to you that if you come down this way I will find a spot for you in the organisation I volunteer in 3 hours a month - the other volunteers and I have nice social get togethers every so often, and we get a great deal out of making some time available to help out someone else for free. There are also some other Brits around the greater Melbourne area who get together for coffee etc - I am meeting one of them tomorrow, but it is hard for people to drive up to where you are, it's hard enough covering the huge area in Melbourne to get to cafe's, pubs etc. I don't know the answer for you, but you might have to make a big and bold decision at some stage and just take charge of your life, not easy I know, but Australia is a big place and there must be a little piece of it somewhere for you. Good luck with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olly Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 But can you make a mean curry and do the ironing in a pinny......:wink: No tonyman, one of my mottos in life is: "I don't do ironing" it's a waste of time/life, I'd rather be doing something productive in my life. I have other mottos as well, but I have to go and sort out my sock draw so I haven't got time to tell you all about them. Love curry by the way ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest One Hour Photo Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I OHP and Chimera, I hope this doesn't sound twee or condescending, i would be mortified if it does - but I wondered if there are any clubs you could join such as book clubs, photography, art, woodwork, choirs (if you can sing if course!) Sue x As you would imagine I have looked into that. In this small village/town there is nothing - just church : -) and that’s not for me. To join anything where a women/outsider could try turning up without knowing anyone would require religious belief, or at least being prepared to pretend to have a religious belief – if something opens with a prayer I can’t go – and would not be welcome. There is also a strong divide between catholics and others – who you mix with depends on which school you went to, that gap lasts for life. Whether that is changing amongst younger people I don’t know, but I get the feeling it isn't. The bright younger people go away to university or travel, and don't come back, the ones who stay for life are in their confort zone here. With people my age range there is no way they will accept anyone who did not go to the ‘right’ school and/or church, had I been prepared to join a local church I probably would have had some support – but that is too high a price to pay for me. Sadly it has to be said racism is pretty bad here. I did exchange some small talk with a woman last year. I always carry business cards so I gave her one, and to my great surprise she phoned me (most people when I say 'give me a call and we could have lunch', say 'yes', which means not in a thousand years) anyway I meet up with her, not sure how much I can say on a public forum but let’s say it was like having lunch with Mel Gibson – I could not believe it, so my one and only meet up was more than a disaster. By the way her view was I am ‘ignorant’ for not agreeing with her, apparently, ‘if I knew the facts’ like she does, I would agree with her’. I even ventured to the pubs for lunch (who enjoys a table for one) but the pubs here are a very different story to what is available in the UK. I nearly forgot - the clubs and some pubs have the ‘pokies’, if there is anything more depressing, and sadder, than sitting in front of the TV on my own every night, it has to be feeding money into a slot machine and staring at that. I have never come across a local who reads (well woman’s day perhaps) watches the news or documentaries. The main interest, as far as I can tell, is gossip. As I said in another post, I realise people offering ‘advice’ mean well, but without some experience of this environment (and a person’s personal situation) suggesting the obvious isn’t very helpful. Please before someone suggests trying to start my own club – I have tried that, no-one replied. What I need is some contacts of people locally who I can mix with and who might help me to me to meet other people. I know there is no-one living in this area, but if you do know of people who do please PM me and I will give you my phone number and they can make contact if they choose to. Anyway there it is - I made my bed and I am lying in it .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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