Guest One Hour Photo Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I can never understand why couples don't try harder to include single friends in their circle more. My friend's husband passed away when she was still in her 30's and I know that certain people drifted away after that, I could never understand the mentality of everyone being included only if they had a partner. Being very lonely can knock your confidence to the point where you must think 'What's the point?' but it only takes one friend in order to find another, and another ... I wish you both every success. Sue x Thanks, you are dead right - sadly it is a fact, single people are rarely able to join with couples - I understand that, dinner for three, 5 etc..... doesn't really work. A 'spare' woman doesn't fit the group dynamic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest One Hour Photo Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I do understand, I have read quite a few of your posts and nodded in agreement to many aspects. My lst husband was killed in a motor bike crash when I was in my 30's , I was living in London with children, I found myself in a very similar position and despite having wonderful friends I was exceptionally lonely. Loneliness is a killer. You are single, but have responsibilities as you do with your business, it appeared that married/partners veered away from the single woman, its very painful.Fortunately for me I managed to work and live in Asia where "the single Mum and kiddies " were deemed acceptable in the community and we were included in all activities. I really did feel half a person not being married any more , hence I dont particularly like the term OH.. I am my own "whole person"! I met my present husband in Vietnam where I was working and well being a member of Poms in Oz tells you the story........ but I never forgot those times, those time of never feeling that I belonged and a conscious effort by society has to be made to include those with a different marital status other than our own. As you become older it does become more difficult as you are finding out. We have a "befriending" at our local hospital which can be very rewarding for both the patient and the befriender, this is another way of meeting people... Hospice work, befriending refugees, something that can be incorporated into your daily working life. You are obviously an intelligent person One Stop and have much to offer, without showing judgement or criticism. Have you also looked at fostering an older child who would benefit so much from your wealth of knowledge? One Stop excuse me for my ramble, I have wanted to post to you before now, and probably couldnt find the right words but I do understand I really do! I hope this doesnt come over as condencending because thats the furthest thing from my mind. :hug: Susie Not condescending at all. You clearly have experienced and understand some of the realities. To do most things requires a network/extended family/support etc. a person who spends virtually all their time alone, and never has a real conversation, is just 'weird', it is difficult for people to get the concept of a person with no-one. I understand people who do the volunteering thing - if there was a dogs home nearby I would happily pick up dog poo. However I think some volunteering is about the volunteer getting the warm fuzzies, and is condescending to the 'grateful' recipients – that ‘sing-song’ in the old people’s home thing makes me cringe, no wonder Lisette Nigot wouldn’t go there. Perhaps I should say for the most part I cope OK, my business is going OK so I may explore selling next year – mind you the agents here are so thick (or lazy) they couldn’t sell ice cream in a heat-wave, and see if I can cope with another move, or maybe I will stick with the devil I know ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest One Hour Photo Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 she will know only 3/4 people but they are nor we are sor and will be very close to our house , why do you suggest caution? im well aware that things could get difficult but laws will be layed as i dont want routine and i married her daughter and not her mum....the same as if my mum and dad come to live .........what are you concerns pal..... My post may have been unclear - I meant 'caution' if she was considering going somewhere where she would be alone - that is not the case, she is going to be near family. Knowing 3/4 people is a whole lot different from 0/0 ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest One Hour Photo Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 I have to say when people say 'just move' it always reminds me of Norman Tebbit, anyone remember the speech,'..... if your are unemployed get on yur bike .....' Maureen Lipman was on Parkinson around the time and did her Margaret Thatcher impression, move, ‘call Harrods and they do it all for you ....' Australia is a big place, I could get a set of darts and throw one and go where it lands :- ) Many of you know how difficult and expensive moving can be, and that is with a partner or people around you, imagine if you were doing that same thing alone ..... then the other complications, dogs, cash, finding a suitable home/income, being alone means most businesses are not workable for me. Anyway I have to sell this (it was on the market for 2 years before I bought it, soon found out why) get the cash in the bank, before I can even start looking. I know from past experience finding a place is very time consuming (that’s how I made a bad move buying this, I had been looking for 2 years so was worn down when I came here) and costly, savings soon start to diminish when there is no income coming it .... fortunately I was able to get myself out of financial disaster with this place, but it was close for a while. I have had my share of set-backs but, so far, I have avoided bankruptcy. At my age, and in my circumstances, I have to be careful about anymore financial disasters, unless I feel living in a car would be fun. I accept my situation – it is no-ones fault but my own. However it is disappointing that people where I live are so thoughtless, a little compassion would go a long way. Would it really be so hard for someone to invite me to a BBQ, or let me in for a coffee. Am I so scary that I can only be spoken to with the security door closed – amazing but that has happened when I have tried to speak to neighbours – maybe I am weirder that I realise.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 !gulp......:embarrassed: A pinefore/aka apron Tony:wubclub: has she gone yet.......:wideeyed: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 There you go Tony, this is more your line lol x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 There you go Tony, this is more you line lol x :laugh: ..i dont hink so ...but love apple pie....with curry........youve even forgotten my name .....:err: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 sorry Nick! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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