Got visa but dont know what to do!!!!

[Quoll]

but Jill you're making a life changing decision to return after only 7 months. Do children not swear in the UK? You say it's not fair on the children, but you're assuming that it will all go wrong for them. Yes children should adapt and not adults (parents) adapting to the demands of the children. As children become adults they have to adapt the what life throws at them, we, as seasoned adults have to adapt: jobs, homes, illness, finances etc. Maybe, you should try relocating to another area in Australia before returning to the UK.

 

The problem is though, that you can royally stuff up an education if a kid is a late teen.

 

I would normally agree with you - moving to Aus should be an adult scratching an itch for adventure and the kids do as they are told, but you have to be particularly careful not to fall off the UK system if you want to one day return to it - both in terms of finances (international student fees kick in if you just go back for uni) and equivalence (yr 12 results don't travel back as easily as A levels travel here and you may be faced with grades that dont get you into a uni course of your choice or have to do a foundation year (at international fees). The most sensible option, if you can do it, is to move a kid to Aus at the end of A levels then they have kept all their options open (and actually have a bit of an advantage with the conversion to university entrance grades), or back to UK at the end of honours when the educational equivalence is easily demonstrated.

 

Of course there are going to be people who say that school education doesnt matter - and to some degree it doesnt, there are always adult courses but explaining that to a teen who sees themself being out of step with their long term peers and faced with the prospect of continuing education well after they thought they would have done with it is a huge problem.

 

Of course it would be lovely if a family had the luxury of trying elsewhere in Australia, that may - or may not - work for them but if, in the process, they have screwed up the educational pathway and mental health of their teen is that really a gamble worth taking?

[THORPES]

but Jill you're making a life changing decision to return after only 7 months. Do children not swear in the UK? You say it's not fair on the children, but you're assuming that it will all go wrong for them. Yes children should adapt and not adults (parents) adapting to the demands of the children. As children become adults they have to adapt the what life throws at them, we, as seasoned adults have to adapt: jobs, homes, illness, finances etc. Maybe, you should try relocating to another area in Australia before returning to the UK.

 

Yes children do swear in the UK. I am only giving our families personal experience. My son's language since we have been here is worse. In every sentance there is a swear word. He doesnt even realise he is doing it. Even his friends speaking to you, its always, crap this, **** that, fu&k.

Also I am not assuming it will go wrong, its just I feel the odds are stacked against, if the child doesnt want to go in the first place.

You sound like my mum "children should adapt" she also uses "children should be seen and not heard" Its a good one too dont you think. :laugh:

My son has never demanded to go home. He has been upset and said he misses his friends, same with my younger one. He really misses family. As non selfish parents, my husband and I think it would be in both our son's best interests to go home. Even though we have only done 7 months, we dont see the point of staying another 6, 12, 18 months. We just dont think Australia is that great and would rather get settled back into our "normal" life.

 

With regards to another area of Australia, im afraid I couldnt adapt to that change again and I certainly wouldnt put my boys through that, just because I can and I have the power because I am a parent.

 

Jill

[Guest chris955]

I wouldnt even consider such a move with your 14 year old at the stage she is in her education. If you force the move it will do more harm than good.

None of us have crystal balls so it's impossible to say what it will be like in either country in a year let alone 5 or 10 years.

[Guest KerryCraig]

The problem is though, that you can royally stuff up an education if a kid is a late teen.

 

 

 

Thanks for all your replies and knowledge on the schooling system..

Doesnt always work out that simple though unfortunatley:( We have been wanting to go for the last 10 years really, but waiting for the right moment isnt always simple, my eldest is from a previous relationship so had to wait till he was old enough to take him, then having in law parents passing away and my dad over the last few years, waiting for the right time that we could go and now doesnt fit in with education!!! we have 4 years left on visa and she has just turned 14 then if we wait our youngest whos 11 will be in the same position!!!!! TIMINGS.......... Feel like just giving up but we know we will grow old regretting we didnt at least try when the kids have gone and left us

[legoman]

there will never be a right time to go, always something will be there if you let it.

 

the uk will carry on as it is whether you are living in it or not.

[Guest jmahood]

Jill

 

I absolutely believe that children should be seen and heard. What I absolutely do not agree with is that the emphasis on children to be equal to their parents in decisions relating the the family. I categorically believe that parents make the decisions for their children until their children become adults and then their role is that of guidance and support. It is perfectly understandable that your son misses his friends, but you'll see from other blogs where people have returned to the UK that friends and family move on very quickly. It would be a real shame if you got all the way back to the UK to think 'why did we do that?'. I have a friend who moved to New Zealand, within a month they were back in the UK and have bitterly regretted it ever since. 7 months is not a long time to feel settled, you really do need a lot longer then that. I wish you all the best whatever decision you make.

[Quoll]

The problem is though, that you can royally stuff up an education if a kid is a late teen.

 

 

 

Thanks for all your replies and knowledge on the schooling system..

Doesnt always work out that simple though unfortunatley:( We have been wanting to go for the last 10 years really, but waiting for the right moment isnt always simple, my eldest is from a previous relationship so had to wait till he was old enough to take him, then having in law parents passing away and my dad over the last few years, waiting for the right time that we could go and now doesnt fit in with education!!! we have 4 years left on visa and she has just turned 14 then if we wait our youngest whos 11 will be in the same position!!!!! TIMINGS.......... Feel like just giving up but we know we will grow old regretting we didnt at least try when the kids have gone and left us

 

Yup, timings are crap sometimes. It's alright moving UK to Aus any time before they are 16. My comment was about a family wanting to return to UK which is a whole different ballgame although it will probably be ok to go straight into A levels and hope that no one ever needs to justify the lack of GCSEs . If you come to Aus and stay then getting into the Aus system for the start of year 11 (Feb of the year they have just turned 16 or just about to turn 16) is the best thing to do. It's only when you want to return that the trouble really begins.

[n111kkx]

I remember being a 14 year old and moving within the UK and kicked up one hell of a fuss!! but that is just being 14. Mum and dad made the decisions and it was part of our growing and development to deal with it. We shall be heading to Oz at Easter and luckily my 8 year old has been told all the way what is happening and that she will be leaving her beloved school. She is an easier age but is fully informed.

 

I think I would be taking the decision that we would be going. Even being extrememly successful at her exams in the UK - where are the job opportunities? Also by the time she is 16/17 what age would your other children be? are they going to be in the same position?

 

So hard having to make life changing decisions. Does she have any idea (even though only 14) of what she would like to do as a career?

 

Do you need to sell your business to enable you to go? if so then decision made I think

 

Best of luck

 

N111KKX

[Guest NeilEB]

So hard having to make life changing decisions.

 

This is the problem exactly, with or without children.

 

People can give all the advice they want, but at the end of the day nobody can possibly tell you how it will turn out for you and your family. All we can do is be aware of the risks (which Quoll has been great with), and then give it a go (or not).

 

In our case, we have a 3 year old - we have kept him informed all the way of what is happening, and he seems fine with it. I'm not sure he knows what is going on 100%, but he seems to understand it's a long way away, and he wont see his family except on the computer (my brother lives in NYC so he's sort of used to a Skype relationship).

 

When the time comes, he will have been at nursery for 3 months, so I can see this causing a problem, but the younger they are the quicker they adapt I think.

 

As a parent our job is to try and give children the best start in life as possible - and not just in terms of material things, but behaviour, manners, and opportunity all come into this.

 

Whether Australia is better or worse is a matter of opinion. I suspect it's neither, and instead it's the position a family finds themselves in that makes the difference. But without that magic crystal ball, life is one big risk.

 

Hindsight is great, but sometimes risks have to be taken.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, I hope it all works out for the best.

 

And sorry for the rambling post, I think there's a point hidden somewhere in that lot that I was trying to make....