Help! 10 years and still not settled.

[Guest Dodgekya]

Hi all,

I am located in Melbourne East, I have just joined PIO today - I am looking for social groups for my brother and myself to join.

 

I have been in Aus since 1991 and have settled with a wife etc and have friends that I have met through high school.

 

My brother moved here from Colchester a lot later, (2002) and has seriously struggled to meet people of his own kind that he can share common interests with.

He is 39 years old, a brick layer by trade, has two staffies and enjoys a drink on the weekends. He also enjoys his music and has his own turn tables that he mixes on.

 

Being in his late twenties when he moved to Australia and working in the building trade he has struggled to meet people that have the same interests as him and in turn tends to have little enthusiasm for anything now a days.

 

I think often that there MUST be other people out there that have had the same issues settling into the 'Aussie' life style and meeting like minded people.

 

If any one has ideas on social gathering or sites that we could maybe look at to help my brother settle in I would be very much appreciative.

 

Cheers

 

Dodgekya

[Guest The Pom Queen]

If you want to send me a pm I can put you in touch with some great guys, also have a look at the sister forum http://www.lifeinvictoria.com

[MARYROSE02]

Someone told me about this organization a few weeks back in Sydney and they have chapters all over OZ. I'd never heard of them before and it sounds like something with possibilities.

 

http://www.meetup.com/cities/au/melbourne/

 

Or maybe just join some clubs that reflect your interests. 'Google' will probably turn some up or look at what is offered at Community Colleges. Shared interests often cut across nationalities. Have you got football clubs you follow? I meet up with fellow Spurs fans once or twice a week to watch games, as many Aussies as Pommies go too.

 

I've been going to North Bondi RSL every night for the past few days after the beach, not made any friends yet, but I'm sure if I keep going I'll start to recognize the staff and be recognized. It's all part of becoming a 'local' - not drinking any alcohol either!

[Guest Luvhaggis]

This is probably one of the greatest downsides in moving to the other side of the world.

All those people you grew up with and worked with are no longer around and doing the social thing with you.

We've been here for nearly eleven years and whilst we have a fairly good set of friends it is a very different

setup from our UK experience.

Still the best thing we've done and wouldn't contemplate on returning.

[nicolaj]

Thank you for that link Maryrose02, I've just had a look at it for Sydney, loads of stuff listed. Thinking I might go along to a book club. Only been here two months so still feeling a bit adrift!

[MARYROSE02]

Thank you for that link Maryrose02, I've just had a look at it for Sydney, loads of stuff listed. Thinking I might go along to a book club. Only been here two months so still feeling a bit adrift!

 

I've never joined a book club but I have done Creative Writing courses which I found to be fun. Start keeping a journal if you have not already done so - your life in OZ? I have been looking at my diary for 1979, each day, managed to get my first job on 10 Jan, 1979 after two and a half months searching from one side of the country to the other. I can't believe how pro-active I was too, getting up at 6am, out on the bus and train all over the city, applying for jobs I would never even think of doing now.

 

All these social things you get into can combine if you're lucky - waxing lyrical - each different thing a strand in your 'basket'. (That sounds both c**p & pretentious!) I went down the pub to watch Spurs v Everton this morning, watched the first half at home but then thought 'I must make the effort to go down and see the others.' I'm always glad when I do as so many know my name and are pleased to see me. I went for breakfast in Foveaux St afterwards with a couple of them too. The first few times I went down there I knew nobody but it gradually got better.

[nicolaj]

When i left my job they got me a nice journal book to write in, but it got packed in the shipping container! So I wont get it back till next week!! One of the girls got it so I could do exactly that, write down all my experiences etc.

 

I am going to the book group on 25th Jan, the chosen book looked like a reasonable read, so even if I don't enjoy the group, the worst i've lost is an evening, the cost of the book, but if it is a good book, then it isn't a waste! The best is could enjoy myself and go to the next one. The person who set it up has only been out here a few months as well, used to go to a book club in London and set one up out here.

 

I'm also going to go along to the next local camera club meeting as I like photography as well, same thing, I might enjoy it, but worst I've only lost a few hours of my time.

 

Oh well, I need to get back to revamping my CV to a resume!!

[Guest debbie67]

personally im not surprised you havent settled, ive been here a very short time (melbourne) and i have never visited a more unfriendly country/state in my life. Im hoping to get to qld, where i remember it to be slightly friendlier and less brash/brusque. If i dont move there i am going straight back to the uk, a more charitable country, friendlier, less autocratic, better working life , cheaper grocieries, clothes, cars, dining, entertainment, the only thing the uk does not have is good weather but hey melbourbne weather sucks really, hot one day cold the next !

[nicolaj]

I must admit, I think it is harder to make friends when you don't have kids. I'm not saying it's easy with kids, but they do tend to help a few doors creak open a bit more.

 

I was reading something on another website of a 'pom in oz', who took his little girl with him to the DIY store, got chatting to the lady on the till, who was a Brit and had a daughter of the same age, telephone numbers exchanged for his wife. Play date arranged and off they went and so on, all opened by the children. I'm not saying they haven't had to put effort into making the friendships work, but the kids have helped a lot.

 

It is the same wherever you move to in the UK or out here, (although at least back home you do have some cultural references). A friend of mine moved from the Midlands to Poole in Dorset when she married her first husband. She never really settled in Poole and never made any friends there (she had no kids either). She began working in Bournemouth and did make friends via work and also met her second husband. She then moved to Salisbury and fell pregnant. This was when she really began to settle and make friends at anti-natal classes, many of these people she is still firm friends with nearly 12 years later. Another example of how kids can help the doors to creak open a bit.

 

A lady I met at a BBQ before I came out here had lived in Sydney for about 10 years, but went back home, not sure why. But she told me it took her a least 12 months before she even felt she was beginning to settle and be part of a group of friends. Although when she came out here she would have been in her early 20's and been more willing to join in the 'party after work' crowd and go out drinking. If you are like me, been there done that and don't want to do that again, I can't keep up! Also a lot of people my age late 30's and early 40's have kids and so we generally wont move in the same social circles.

 

Maybe I should set up a 'would like to meet' website, for friendship only, not a lonely hearts one as there are plenty out there, but try to match like minded people together in areas to help develop friendships. I think there is some mileage in that one! LOL!!

 

I hope the OP and his brother can get themselves sorted out it's not nice being lonely.