teejaygb Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Feeling sorry for myself so turning to PIO members for some support / outlet for me to spout off :-/ Moved to Perth almost two years ago things not been so easy but love my new country. Husband came as bricklayer and managed to keep in work money was tight but I managed to get a job and things were ok. Then he suffered prolapsed disc and couldn't work for while, luckily I landed a better job which saw us through and then finally he got a sales job dealing with construction products so everything was turning around for finally. Then after New year he moves out into his own place blaming the fact that on our 14 year old son. He has never settled and started causing major arguments in our house, refusing to go school, getting in trouble with the police etc etc. He says he can't get on with our son any more and hates him. How can a father just walk away from his family washing his hands of them. I have tried so hard to make things work from leaving the house in the morning to take kids to out of hours school club, going to work and then after school activities with the children it's often 12 hours later until I sit down for 5 mins before preparing meals. I do everything around the house he hardly lifted a finger - what did I do to deserve this. Now I find myself alone with the kids and all my lifelong friends back in the UK it's so hard. We had no savings but I am managing to pay the rent and pay all the bills juggling kids and work but I can't believe this has happened to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vixxy666 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 What an awful situation your husband sounds very selfish to just walk away and leave u to pick up the peices. I hope you have some friends in oz who you can turn to. Is he planning ok returning to the uk? i hope he comes to his senses and things can be worked out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 :hug: (and a very big one at that). Firstly, well done you for holding it all together, it's obviously been a shock and a major adjustment, but you certinly come across as a really strong person. It may very well be that the changes in your sons behaviours has proved difficult, but what a burden to put on a 14 year olds shoulders. Is he willing to see someone with you - perhaps go to relationships Australia or even family therapy which would include your son and other children? Is he contributing toward the children? You may need to get some legal advice, but certainly try to keep the communications going if there's any chance of a reconciliation. Ali xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teejaygb Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks Ali - yeah he is giving me the amount calculated through CSA but it's not a great amount my wages only just cover the rent per fortnight it's not really the money which is an issue I have gotten good at budgeting through all our ups and downs with work and missed wages etc. It's just I feel so low and worthless I have given everything I have to make our family succeed. My son has been seeing counsellors and physc's for his state of mind and finally last week doctors put him on medication so hoping his behavior will improve in next few weeks. The kids are glad their dad has gone which is sad but I am a mess 18 years is half my life and even though I know I deserve better I hate being alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lula Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 :hug:You sound like a strong woman and I think you are being very reasonable. I think obviously your son is having problems but with his father leaving and blaming him I can't help but feel things could go a lot worse for him knowing this. From what you have described doesn't sound like things have been perfect with you doing everything anyway. I am a believer that people should never stay together for kids or financial reasons maybe the immediate future will look tough but in the long term it's your happiness and protecting your kids that is important. I agree go and speak to a counsellor as a family it can really help. My mom made some difficult decisions regarding my father in the end decided to protect me she worked hard at times it was tough but it can be done. You are not alone in your situation and never be afraid to ask for help. I am not in Perth otherwise I would have met up with you hopefully somebody reading is and can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks Ali - yeah he is giving me the amount calculated through CSA but it's not a great amount my wages only just cover the rent per fortnight it's not really the money which is an issue I have gotten good at budgeting through all our ups and downs with work and missed wages etc. It's just I feel so low and worthless I have given everything I have to make our family succeed. My son has been seeing counsellors and physc's for his state of mind and finally last week doctors put him on medication so hoping his behavior will improve in next few weeks. The kids are glad their dad has gone which is sad but I am a mess 18 years is half my life and even though I know I deserve better I hate being alone. When you've been part of a couple for so long (good or bad) it's really difficult to make that adjustment ... but you know you're doing the right things. You do know that you can go to Relationships Australia on your own - i'm sure they also have a sliding scale on funding. So glad to hear that your son is getting some help, hopefully you'll soon re discover the boy you know is still in there. Hang in there, it'll be tough but you've probably got through the hardest bit xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaghettiWinston Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 It's really unfair to not only blame the divorce on the poor boy but also to say he hates his son. What a selfish, childish thing to say. I think he's probably just saying that because he feels frustrated at your son's behaviour, but there is no excuse to give up on a kid like that. Uprooting and living abroad because your parents want to must be really difficult for a teenage boy. I remember when I was a child and my mum wanted to buy another house - I was reluctant to even move to the other side of town! Your son probably has so much going through his head right now. I'm glad to hear he's getting lots of support, as he probably feels really lonely and angry. Are your other children okay? I can't help you out much with advice but I am a product of a single-parent family (my dad left when I was five) and I turned out just fine! My mum did find it really tough at times, but she managed to raise two children. You sound like a really dedicated and sweet woman, so I bet you'll do great on your own. When you feel ready, you should go out and try to meet lots of people and maybe start a hobby to keep your mind off things. My mum did a lot more sport, which has always kept her healthy and happy! I hope that the whole family can work things out and that you get the acknowledgement and respect that you deserve. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gordonsmith Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 this story is almost the same as one i heard here in the uk about 3 month ago, the arguements had lasted for over a year, the father almost moved out, he was grumpy and there was no reasoning with him. turns out he was diabetic. he was put on an injection 2 times a day and now everything is ok. i know its a very very long shot but . . . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 could possibly be hubby has lost his confidence, maybe having to change career has affected him, unusual for a father after that amount of time to turn and possibly your sons behaviour exagerate his feeling of not being up to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Im going to stick my neck out and say he has met someone else ........but your well rid of him /it.......you sound strong , if your local i can supply curry and food as i love to cook ...........keep your head and chins up ...you will be fine .......you have some good support on the site ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeegieDave Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Im going to stick my neck out and say he has met someone else ........but your well rid of him /it.......you sound strong , if your local i can supply curry and food as i love to cook ...........keep your head and chins up ...you will be fine .......you have some good support on the site ...... Thats a total guess. No need to kick someone when their down!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I agree with dave, Could be a million reasons why, doesnt mean it has to be anything like that. OP - just ignore that comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 weegie dave! you been drinking?. bit harsh and nonconstructive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 weegie dave! you been drinking?. bit harsh and nonconstructive. ????? dont you mean tonyman? dave didnt say anything harsh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 yep thanx for putting me right! i did mean tonyman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 sorry weegie Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 yep thanx for putting me right! i did mean tonyman thats okay :tongue: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeegieDave Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 sorry weegie Dave No probs mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2tigers Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Im going to stick my neck out and say he has met someone else ........but your well rid of him /it.......you sound strong , if your local i can supply curry and food as i love to cook ...........keep your head and chins up ...you will be fine .......you have some good support on the site ...... Offering the support with food is nice of you When I was alone in AU with 2 children I appreciated when people did little things like this for me..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teejaygb Posted March 27, 2012 Author Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hey thanks all, just reading all your posts - Tonyman seems you were right all along. Well me being the sucker I am took him back for the good of our family he wanted to make things work, was sorry etc etc his things were barely back in the cupboards before he went out on a bucks night and returned home paralytic with condoms in his jeans pocket so there you go. Me, I deserve so much better and even though it's hard going it alone i now know it's my only option for my sanity and my children's wellbeing - I think the sun has melted his brains but I believe everything happens for a reason and hopefully it will be a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgt Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Think toneyman has hit the nail on the head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgt Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Just out of interest hows it going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hey thanks all, just reading all your posts - Tonyman seems you were right all along. Well me being the sucker I am took him back for the good of our family he wanted to make things work, was sorry etc etc his things were barely back in the cupboards before he went out on a bucks night and returned home paralytic with condoms in his jeans pocket so there you go. Me, I deserve so much better and even though it's hard going it alone i now know it's my only option for my sanity and my children's wellbeing - I think the sun has melted his brains but I believe everything happens for a reason and hopefully it will be a good one. Hey teejay. im really sorry to hear that. It'll be hard for a while but your right you deserve so much better! are you still in oz? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandk Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 :notworthy: I am in awe of you and other people who have to be the adult when the other 'grown up' (male or female) decide they cannot cope. It is not going to be possible in a chat room to give you any real help but I wanted you to know that you have to be kind to yourself and just keep plodding on day by day. Here in UK I am a foster parent and we work with angy children often. I would imagine your son feels angry and scared about everything that has happened and without some sort of intervention (therapy) his behaviour is unlikely to improve. He has moved half way round the world and then seen and soaked up all the angst between you and his dad. Is it possible to get any family therapy either though volunteer service or the church (you do not have to be 'of faith') I guarantee you when your son comes out of this he wil be forever grateful that you stood by him. Keep your chin up (chest out - must be some nice looking fellahs over there!!) and just keeping doing what you are doing. HUGS xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hey thanks all, just reading all your posts - Tonyman seems you were right all along. Well me being the sucker I am took him back for the good of our family he wanted to make things work, was sorry etc etc his things were barely back in the cupboards before he went out on a bucks night and returned home paralytic with condoms in his jeans pocket so there you go. Me, I deserve so much better and even though it's hard going it alone i now know it's my only option for my sanity and my children's wellbeing - I think the sun has melted his brains but I believe everything happens for a reason and hopefully it will be a good one. I think you are right and you deserve better, sadly your husband sounds if you dont mind me saying a right arsehole, to blame his son for things going badly and then to say he hates him is just unforgivable and he should be ashamed of himself, at the end of the day you both took him away from his normal surroundings and moved him to the other side of the world so if he found that unsettling as many would then that is understandable and he would need a great deal of support through this and not to be told he is the cause and he is hated, only my opinion though but i wish you the very best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.