meme78 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 So, after leaving the UK in 2008, desperately happy to have gained a visa, I now simply cannot stand the restlessness which accompanies this 'stranger in a familiar land' feeling. People tell you to forget your old life (over 30 years worth then of love, friendships and experiences) and that homesickness lessens over time (when?), and this just now seems a pathetic way to live. I can hardly believe I have put myself in this position- I love Australia and always will, and I will be the proudest of new citizens this year, and yet I do feel physically sick that I have condemned myself to a life half lived. Will I massively regret not spending time with my parents and sibling as they age? Yes. Do I regret missing out on all the milestones you witness in friends lives? Yes. Am I lucky to live here? Yes. Am I glad my child is being raised here? Yes. There's no answer. The cruelest thing indeed is that people move on, and although we are blessed with technology, if you aren't around for the day to day, then time and distance begin to wear down even the strongest links. Thanks for listening. There's no solution. Here's hoping that a few weeks in blighty will make or break it later on this year.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dermedicus Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 So, after leaving the UK in 2008, desperately happy to have gained a visa, I now simply cannot stand the restlessness which accompanies this 'stranger in a familiar land' feeling. People tell you to forget your old life (over 30 years worth then of love, friendships and experiences) and that homesickness lessens over time (when?), and this just now seems a pathetic way to live. I can hardly believe I have put myself in this position- I love Australia and always will, and I will be the proudest of new citizens this year, and yet I do feel physically sick that I have condemned myself to a life half lived. Will I massively regret not spending time with my parents and sibling as they age? Yes. Do I regret missing out on all the milestones you witness in friends lives? Yes. Am I lucky to live here? Yes. Am I glad my child is being raised here? Yes. There's no answer. The cruelest thing indeed is that people move on, and although we are blessed with technology, if you aren't around for the day to day, then time and distance begin to wear down even the strongest links. Thanks for listening. There's no solution. Here's hoping that a few weeks in blighty will make or break it later on this year.... I have no words of consolation or advice, but would like to say you are not the only one in this situation. I love my work here in Aus, but in every other respect I would rather just go back. I hope you find your contentment and solution soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Welcome to the curse of the expat! A life half lived just about describes it. I managed to survive Aus for 32 years and am now back where I "belong" and I have my whole life back, it's amazing! So, dont despair, just take the opportunities when they arise for you and hopefully you will find somewhere to "belong" down the track. For me it wasnt as bad in the early years when I could chase the opportunities but now, in retirement, belonging is all. Your kids will make their own decisions when their time comes - one of ours came to UK for a gap year and hasnt returned and has no intention of returning to Aus. The other one came over with a one way ticket and was back in Aus within 7 months so you never can tell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Maybe once you return home for a visit, you will know where you need to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thewebweazel Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Hi Meme78, you having a bout of "Homesickness", don't worry we all get it one time or another. For me I have to ban myself from watching any documentaries on Africa as I get home sick for places that I have never visited, but that is Africa for you the dust gets in your blood and you can never get it out. I know that Quoll likes to call it the Curse of the Expat but I do not think of it as a negative. Yes once you become an Expat you never seem to fit in anywhere completely (apart from with other Expats). One very good Expat friend once told me "You live for yourself, not for Friends or Family (other then spouses or children)". Friends an Family have made their own decisions in life and chosen their own path, this is not selfish but the way it should be. They may at anytime decide to Emigrate, move away or not be as involved in your live as they have been before, Friendships seem to have cycles of intensity so it is up to you to make the most of your life that you have been given and find new friends that you will have new Milestones with. See friends in the UK as gifts of time and when the opportunity arises and if both party are agreeing rekindle those friendships when you visit the UK or they visit you. If you dwell on those friendships with guilt and regret you will turn those memories sour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 I think you hit the nail on the head.... I often struggle with this thought process myself. I think the best way to deal with it is to change your mindset. To focus on the positive aspects rather than the negative.... think about the opportunities, the experiences, the wisdom and the knowledge you gain by living in a foreign country... and to pass these onto your children and the better person they'll become because of it, open minded, acceptant and more receptive for example. And your family (and friends) are still part of your life, but in a different way. They wouldn't be part of your life anymore only if you had no contact at all, not even as much as a Xmas card., or only if you let it be like that... remember, you were the one who left, this is something I remind myself on a daily basis and I make that extra effort. I totally feel for you, and no there is no solution... only acceptance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pintpot Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Welcome to the curse of the expat! A life half lived just about describes it. I managed to survive Aus for 32 years and am now back where I "belong" and I have my whole life back, it's amazing! So, dont despair, just take the opportunities when they arise for you and hopefully you will find somewhere to "belong" down the track. For me it wasnt as bad in the early years when I could chase the opportunities but now, in retirement, belonging is all. Your kids will make their own decisions when their time comes - one of ours came to UK for a gap year and hasnt returned and has no intention of returning to Aus. The other one came over with a one way ticket and was back in Aus within 7 months so you never can tell! Quoll, do you find you appreciate your life in the UK even more, because you were prevented from having it for so long? Shame it had to take 32 years..... I remember on my first stint of working abroad, when I came back I was hugely more appreciative of what the UK had to offer and I'm actually surprised in many ways I've left again (frankly the drivers this time were largely economic). I have no doubt at all that I will be returning again and like it even more Actually, the experience of working/living elsewhere and going back once is one of the reasons I react so strongly (in a negative way!) to the people who slag off everything about the UK or constantly go on about it going to the dogs as if it's on an inexorable downward slope (and especially if they're just regurgitating media or "man in the pub" nonsense). Before I left in the first place, this sort of talk didn't bother me either way, now it pulls my chain harder than anything else. Except maybe support for Sheffield United. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pintpot Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I'm just wondering if I attracted that "like" from YG for the post, or for the veiled slag off of the Blades. Or maybe she misinterpreted, and thinks I am one. Can "likes" be rescinded? :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meme78 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Thanks for all your kind repsonses. Such silly things set off homesickness- another birthday here with only one card from the UK! What a big sook But, I do regularly maintain contact with old friends, but as you say, life moves on and people don't wait around. I doubt I could fit back into the UK totally, but I will never be truly Australian, so that's just something I have to come to terms with. I never considered the implications long term of being an Ex pat, but it seems that others feel like this too, but we manage. thanks all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorkiegirl Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I'm just wondering if I attracted that "like" from YG for the post, or for the veiled slag off of the Blades. Or maybe she misinterpreted, and thinks I am one. Can "likes" be rescinded?:biggrin: Mostly for the post PP, (but my brother and my niece are season ticket holders for Sheff Wed so half a like for your Blades comment too.):wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 So, after leaving the UK in 2008, desperately happy to have gained a visa, I now simply cannot stand the restlessness which accompanies this 'stranger in a familiar land' feeling. People tell you to forget your old life (over 30 years worth then of love, friendships and experiences) and that homesickness lessens over time (when?), and this just now seems a pathetic way to live. I can hardly believe I have put myself in this position- I love Australia and always will, and I will be the proudest of new citizens this year, and yet I do feel physically sick that I have condemned myself to a life half lived. Will I massively regret not spending time with my parents and sibling as they age? Yes. Do I regret missing out on all the milestones you witness in friends lives? Yes. Am I lucky to live here? Yes. Am I glad my child is being raised here? Yes. There's no answer. The cruelest thing indeed is that people move on, and although we are blessed with technology, if you aren't around for the day to day, then time and distance begin to wear down even the strongest links. Thanks for listening. There's no solution. Here's hoping that a few weeks in blighty will make or break it later on this year.... beautiful post. :notworthy: But please, cheer up! I mean that in the nicest possible way; there are people in Japan who lost everything they had in the tsunami last year. At least you've still got your family even if they're distant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Hi Meme78, you having a bout of "Homesickness", don't worry we all get it one time or another. For me I have to ban myself from watching any documentaries on Africa as I get home sick for places that I have never visited, but that is Africa for you the dust gets in your blood and you can never get it out. I know that Quoll likes to call it the Curse of the Expat but I do not think of it as a negative. Yes once you become an Expat you never seem to fit in anywhere completely (apart from with other Expats). One very good Expat friend once told me "You live for yourself, not for Friends or Family (other then spouses or children)". Friends an Family have made their own decisions in life and chosen their own path, this is not selfish but the way it should be. They may at anytime decide to Emigrate, move away or not be as involved in your live as they have been before, Friendships seem to have cycles of intensity so it is up to you to make the most of your life that you have been given and find new friends that you will have new Milestones with. See friends in the UK as gifts of time and when the opportunity arises and if both party are agreeing rekindle those friendships when you visit the UK or they visit you. If you dwell on those friendships with guilt and regret you will turn those memories sour. I'd like to reiterate what the WW said. Having friends and family so far away can be a good thing. For one, regarding friends, you quickly learn who your real friends are; they're the ones still in touch after a year or so. Frankly life's too short to have crap friends who you either don't like very much or who cannot be arsed to stay in touch. Second, there's less of that family negativity thing going on (familiarity breeds contempt and all that). You see them so rarely that when you do go 'home' to visit (or they visit you), it's a really special time and one to be cherished. We went back on hols about 18 months ago, it was magical being surrounded by family. We're going back again later this year. I can't wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 beautiful post. :notworthy: But please, cheer up! I mean that in the nicest possible way; there are people in Japan who lost everything they had in the tsunami last year. At least you've still got your family even if they're distant That's just reminded me of a documentary (ABC1 :biggrin:) I watched the other day about how people are getting on with their lives in Fukushima and the surrounding areas following the tsunami and particularly the after-effect of the nuclear disaster. It was heartbreaking to watch. The teachers at the schools check for radiation levels every morning and it was constantly above 0.7 (it was said that 0.3 was considered very high) and the kids never went outside to play or only for a very limited time. Many of these children were orphaned. There was a single dad with his daughter in the interview and every time the dad took her little girl outside to play, he checked the radiation levels and in the grass and near water it showed very high levels, so they only played on the tarmac like a carpark and only for 30 mins maximum. Indeed we're very lucky that our children can play breathing clean air, playing in clean waters and on the grass... and without a facemask! Apologies to the OP, I got a bit sidetracked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 That's just reminded me of a documentary (ABC1 :biggrin:) I watched the other day about how people are getting on with their lives in Fukushima and the surrounding areas following the tsunami and particularly the after-effect of the nuclear disaster. It was heartbreaking to watch. The teachers at the schools check for radiation levels every morning and it was constantly above 0.7 (it was said that 0.3 was considered very high) and the kids never went outside to play or only for a very limited time. Many of these children were orphaned. There was a single dad with his daughter in the interview and every time the dad took her little girl outside to play, he checked the radiation levels and in the grass and near water it showed very high levels, so they only played on the tarmac like a carpark and only for 30 mins maximum. Indeed we're very lucky that our children can play breathing clean air, playing in clean waters and on the grass... and without a facemask! Apologies to the OP, I got a bit sidetracked. I saw the same program. The dignity showed by the children and parents was awe inspiring and heart breaking at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest57588 Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 So, after leaving the UK in 2008, desperately happy to have gained a visa, I now simply cannot stand the restlessness which accompanies this 'stranger in a familiar land' feeling. People tell you to forget your old life (over 30 years worth then of love, friendships and experiences) and that homesickness lessens over time (when?), and this just now seems a pathetic way to live. I can hardly believe I have put myself in this position- I love Australia and always will, and I will be the proudest of new citizens this year, and yet I do feel physically sick that I have condemned myself to a life half lived. Will I massively regret not spending time with my parents and sibling as they age? Yes. Do I regret missing out on all the milestones you witness in friends lives? Yes. Am I lucky to live here? Yes. Am I glad my child is being raised here? Yes. There's no answer. The cruelest thing indeed is that people move on, and although we are blessed with technology, if you aren't around for the day to day, then time and distance begin to wear down even the strongest links. Thanks for listening. There's no solution. Here's hoping that a few weeks in blighty will make or break it later on this year.... A powerful and courageous post. You speak for many people who are in a similar situation. I hope you find some resolution soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Quoll, do you find you appreciate your life in the UK even more, because you were prevented from having it for so long? Shame it had to take 32 years..... I remember on my first stint of working abroad, when I came back I was hugely more appreciative of what the UK had to offer and I'm actually surprised in many ways I've left again (frankly the drivers this time were largely economic). I have no doubt at all that I will be returning again and like it even more Actually, the experience of working/living elsewhere and going back once is one of the reasons I react so strongly (in a negative way!) to the people who slag off everything about the UK or constantly go on about it going to the dogs as if it's on an inexorable downward slope (and especially if they're just regurgitating media or "man in the pub" nonsense). Before I left in the first place, this sort of talk didn't bother me either way, now it pulls my chain harder than anything else. Except maybe support for Sheffield United. I think I have always appreciated what the UK had to offer - I am only now really being able to appreciate it as an adult as I left first when I was in my early 20s. I guess I have always been up for adventure and Australia no longer offered me that so a change which allows me to have my adventures in a place I find fascinating and where I connect much more easily with the people is what is making it work for me. I dont know whether I would appreciate it in the same way if I hadnt worked in different countries and cultures over the years - I'd probably be one of the glass half empty brigade who read the Daily Fail and think it is gospel I guess (LOL, NOT!) although all of my acquaintance (except my mum who has a PhD in negativity) are very happy with their lot here. I know people dont like the "curse of the expat" but I do think the experience of having lived in other places is indicative of a person who doesnt particularly want to settle anywhere but is always looking for that little buzz of newness and adventure - somehow there has to be somewhere with grass a bit greener!!! We can all look back at where we have been with rose tints - the bad stuff always seems to drift out of memory when we are faced with irritants in our current environment - heck I can even remember the good points about living in the Highlands of PNG! I find it interesting that little research has been done on the feeling of displacement of voluntary migrants - most homesickness research has been on kids in boarding schools and forced migrants fleeing oppression. I think it is a fascinating topic and not one I would have followed had I not experienced that sense of displacement for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Meme78 we are in a similar position but have been here less time, I also think you like Australia more than we do but I can relate to your opinions entirely. We plan to return to UK in january 2013 for 3 weeks, we will spend a week with family, a week with friends and a week in the area we would move to should we return. I reckon at the end of the 3 weeks we will have our answer on whether we should return or notand I feel you will be the same when you go back. Dont worry about the hassles and worries, I think you have to go with your heart on this one and not your head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.